My best friends wedding. No, its not THAT movie....

So i've just returned from the Blue Mountains where i spent the weekend for my best friends wedding. I am glad to say it could not have turned out any better - she had beautiful weather, she looked beautiful in her dress, the resort for the ceremony and room for the reception were beautiful and i managed not to trip down the aisle. My heart was literally burtsing with happiness for her, because i know she had been extremely stressed about things not going right, about people not getting along, about the fact it could rain, and so many other things. But, thankfully, none of that happened and i believe my best friend really enjoyed her day. And i'm glad for it. I know i spend a lot of time on this blog writing about my own problems, the things i stress about, but my every thought was truely with my friend for wedding - sure, i'll admit to last minute jitters myself ( like tripping down the aisle, or dropping my bouquet - trivial things ) but i was very much focused ( as the head bridesmaid should be ) on making sure my friend remained stress free and relaxed. Well, as much as a woman about to be married can be anyway.

The ceremony was lovely and as tedious as it was hiking around the resort grounds in high heels to have pictures taken, by the end of it the bridal party was completely relxed, which i think is going to make for some really good photos. The reception went off without a hitch too - the speeches ( all bar one, anyway ) were all either moving or funny, the food was fantastic and her uncle made for a relatively good DJ. And it was nice to be able to just sit and chat with people you wouldnt normally get to talk with - for instance, i found out that her new husbands groomsmen are hilariously funny and still completely immature, even if they are in their 30's. I also had a D&M ( a deep and meaningful for the uninitiated ) with the brides father, which was very much appreciated. Even on his daughters wedding day he had unbelievably lovely things to say about me, about how much HE appreciates the friend i am to his daughter and now that she is married he'd like to see me get out, enjoy my life and find someone special. It was a little emotional actually - the only thing that kept me from crying was the fact he was already a little pissy, so the conversation was also quite amusing in the way he presented it.

So, overall, everything went well. I know it must be a fabulous relief for the bride and groom for all of it to be over, but its also nice to have it off my plate and out of my thoughts aswell. I'm looking forward to having non-wedding related dreams for a while...

Falling Slowly

Being that it is the Easter long weekend and i have nothing much to do and nobody much to do it with, i have been spending some quality time with my old friend - film. I think most of the people i know under-estimate how big of a fan of film i am but thats a whole other post. My reason for posting tonight is to beg you all to see a small film called " Once ". Its Irish, and is based around an Irish busker meeting a Czech immigrant who also loves music. Its a gorgeous film but its more than the story : for me it was the music. I had heard the Oscar winning song from the film, " Falling Slowly ", performed on the Academy Awards telecast but having now seen the movie i have absolutely fallen in love with it. I suppose it is slightly a double entendre - " Falling Slowly " as meant in the film is referring to love. But i'm going to post the lyrics from the second half of the song, which have had me crying for almost 2 hours now:

"Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now "

This may be a song that i fixate on for a while to come....

http://www.filestube.com/3ef2165a5c8f1f1303ea/details.html

I have far too much time on my hands...

Alright, I know Miss Gates did not officially tag anyone for this post but, simply because i have nothing overly exciting going on in my life right now, i present to you a list of 50 random things ( vaguely ) about me:

1. I'm an eldest child. According to birth order theory i should be: responsible, hard-working and possibly headstrong. Yep, yep and , um, yep.
2.I used to hate my name. There was always more than one Amy, everywhere i went. I wanted something less common like, for example, Esperanza.
3. I dont like spiders. Spiders are gross.
4. So are snakes for that matter. Snakes are gross too.
5. What else am i afraid of? I'm terrifed of dying alone.Sometimes i think it's a possibility.
6.I drive a red Holden Barina. It would be cute but for the scrape markes up the side...
7. My fish are named after The Beatles.
8. Unlike real life, both John Lennon AND Paul McCartney are deceased.
9. The first pet i can remember having was a beagle named Gus. I'd named him after a snail on a childrens televison show.
10. My current mobile ringtone is " Famous Last Words " by My Chemical Romance.
11. When i was a young girl, i alternately wanted to be either an author or a paediatrician.
12. Now ? I would love to be a personal stylist, or a personal shopper. I take clothes and dressing far more seriously than most people i know.
13. That being said, i would make an excellent taxi driver. I know most of the streets in my town, i dont mind staying out late and i dont listen to talkback radio...
14. My favourite actor of all time is Johnny Depp. I wrote him a fan letter when i was 6 years old. I am now 24. He hasnt written back yet.
15. Dearest Johnny is followed closely by Marlon Brando. Forget the overweight, badly accented mafia don from " The Godfather ", there has never been anyone sexier than Marlon in " A Streetcar Named Desire ". EVER.
16.I like children. Not all of them ( some of them are brats ) but children in general make me smile.
17. I am totally enamoured of my 2 year old neice. She's adorable.
18. I play social lawn bowls on a Wednesday afternoon. No shoes, you can take your alcohol on the green, you can laugh at your team mates and, best of all, nobody really cares if you suck.
19. However, i wish i was back playing netball. Unfortunately, i am too fat and unfit right now to be doing that.
20.Bizarrely though, i have been repeatedly asked to play womens rugby union. No thank you, i like my face unsquashed.
21. I have four tattoos and one belly peircing. Leaving the peircing out of it, the tatts all mean something personal to me.
22. I have met zero celebrities, unless you count football players.
23. Nelly Furtado did wave to me once though.
24.Even though my younger sister is tall and thin, i still call her Fat Guts.
25. Thats okay though - my dad likes to call me Duck Arse. Or Stumpy, which my 2 year old neice has picked up on. Thanks Dad.
26. My youngest brother is buried in a cemetery 200m from where i live. Sometimes i get the urge to just go and sit next to his grave, but i dont want to be the weird girl hanging out in the graveyard.
27. The last movie i saw in the cinema was " Sweeney Todd ".
28. Based ont that film, and all his other works, i believe Tim Burton is a true creative genius.
29. I dont particularly like snow.
30. Sometimes, i miss New York City.
31. Sometimes, i miss my American boys. Henry, the youngest will be 7 this year and was 3 when i met him. Awww.....
32. If you checked out a picture of my dad in the 70's as a shaggy headed teenager and compared it to a photo of me, we could pass as twins. Okay, we could pass for brother and sister at least.
33. I am of the opinion that " So You Think You Can Dance ? " is entirely awesome.
34. I collect statues of Buddha. I even have a " Mumma Buddha ". I'm not a Buddhist, they just calm me.
35. I have a plant named Bertram. Yes, he has a name.
36. My favourite movie when i was a child was " Annie ".
37. I'm a published poet - if you count being published in books produced by Readers Digest anyway. I dont have my own tome or anything...
38. My best friend is a police officer. As is her soon to be husband, and also my uncle. I'm surrounded by law enforcement.
39. I still have a Barbie coffee cup that i got in a showbag when i was 4 years old. I still dont drink coffee though.
40. I have extremely good friends online, a choice few that i would count amongst my best friends. I miss people i've never met. Hello soldier...
41. I used to hate my nose. I thought it was gigantically huge. I think my face grew into it.
42.I love green cordial. It was one of my favourites drinks when i was little and even still nothing beats chilled green cordial on a hot summers day.
43. I wish i knew another language. Spanish would be my language of choice. Spanish is muy sexy.
44.I also wish i knew guitar but i think my hands are too small.
45. My favourite icecream flavour is now macadamia from a icecream parlour called Missy Moo's.
46. I am two weeks away from being head bridesmaid at my best friends wedding. Its a big responsibility. Frankly, i'm kind of nervous.
47. At this precise point in time my wisdom teeth are killing me. I wish the bastards would hurry up and grow in so i could have them taken out.
48. I have lost approximately 18 kilograms since i left high school.
49.I am going to see " Billy Elliot : The Musical " in three weeks time. Woo hoo - musicals rock!
50. I have finished this list. Freaking hallelujah!

Women of the world, take heed....

I'm going to bring up a very serious topic, one close to my heart, one that many women the world over are uniting over. In fact my favourite fashion blog - http://www.gofugyourself.com/ - has started an official " watch " so that we may all be aware of the perils. Of what may you ask? Of leggings.

Yes people, leggings. You know, those footless hosiery type items that came into vogue sometime last year and seem to be everywhere ? Leggings. Here is what i want to impart to all the ladies out there : leggings are not - i repeat, ARE NOT - a substitute for pants. They are not stand alone trousers made to be worn with a blouse, or cute smock or funky singlet. They are essentially an undergarment, which means they are supposed to be worn with something. They are not intended to substitute for your favourite pair of jeans. Just today i saw a young woman, around the same age as me, wearing a cute layered singlet ensemble up top paired with skin tight black leggings. I mean these things were so tight she was either not wearing any underwear ( in itself hazardous ) or her g-string had been swallowed up by her hungry arse, because i could see every dimple of cellulite, every ripple of muscle, the exact shape of her arse cheeks and god knows what i would have been able to see had i been looking at the front of her ( thank god i was walking behind her, not towards her ) but i could see no trace of underwear. These leggings were leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination at all, and there in lies my problem with them.

I like to think i'm young, i'm funky, i'm fashionable but i do believe in some modesty. Like i've already said, leggings are not pants. Leggings are leggings. Leggings are opaque footless tights, they are heavy hosiery, and where does hosiery belong ? Underneath something else. I have no problem with leggings worn under a mini skirt or a dress - except the fact that they chop off the length of a womens leg making her appear " stumpy ", unless she's 6ft tall and a size 8 - but worn on their ownsome ? Tragic, tragic fashion mistake. If i can tell what underwear you're wearing ( if any ), how you like to keep your bikini line, or how much cellulite you may or may not have just by looking at your legs and bum encased in tight, tight fabric - there's something wrong.

So budding fashionista's of the world, lets take a stand against the legging. Lets say we will not stand for hosiery as outerwear, nor will we stand for underwear as outwear ( that means you hot pants ... if i can see your arse cheek at the bottom - THEY'RE TOO SHORT ). We will dress to fit our body shape, we will flatter our figures and drive men wild not with what we AREN'T wearing, but with what we are. We will dress to please ourselves, whether that makes other women jealous or inspired.

It is all well and good to say " I wear what i want , i dress how i like " but wouldnt you rather take that into consideration with what actually looks good and flattering on you? I am not saying we should all dress uniformly from the pages of Vogue ( hello, those clothes dont work on real people ) I am merely saying we can keep a signature style that is flattering rather than frightening. We can be quirky and fun without looking queer and funky. And, most importantly, we certainly can embrace pants and throw away the leggings.....

Apparently she still doesnt get it

Tiny, pretty, little things
Can hide such ugliness.
They keep it on the inside, underneath,
They keep it bottled up,
They unleash it when least expected and
most inappropriate.
They say , " We are not ugly.
We are tiny, pretty little things.
We have done nothing for which
We should be sorry ".
I say, " Yes, you are tiny, pretty, litte things:
You are a narcissistic flower hiding
Nasty, prickly thorns ".
The beauty of a rose is nullified
by the prick of its thorns.
See, a rose without its petals
is nothing but a weed.

Some things lost can never be recovered....

It was my best friends Hen's party this past Saturday. For those of you who arent aware, i am chief bridesmaid at her wedding and so it fell to me to organise her last night as a free woman . I was more than happy to do it - i wanted her to have something fun, and informal without being classless and tacky. I got the invite list from the bride and then designed the invitations, had them printed and then had them sent out. I organised for us to have dinner on a private balcony at a nice pizza resturant. I organised the menu for the evening, even down to what time we wanted food to come out. I organised some decorations for the tables, and came up with a list of " challenges " for the rest of the night that would be fun without being too dirty or embarrassing. I tried to take all the invitees ages and different personalities into consideration, but most of all i just wanted a night that my best friend would enjoy. And, i'm happy to say, she did. She got to sit around chatting with her girlfriends over some nice food. She got to take her mum out dancing. She got to touch some random guys abs and get congratulatory kisses off cute strangers. She got to her enjoy her night. I, however, did not.

My night was ruined by one of the other invitees. I am, frankly, kind of peeved that i let someone else ruin it for me when i had put so much hard work into organising, when i had invested so much of my time and love and pride into it. That being said, i dont get mad very often, so for me to be so annoyed at this person and her behaviour means it must have struck a deep chord in me somewhere.

The night had been going really well - we'd been chatted up by quite a few young blokes, knowing we were on a hens party, and we'd had a few drinks and few laughs. We were at our third and last pub of the night and we'd been there quite a long time. This particular girl hadnt been seen by us for a quite a while - we knew she was off dancing with some of her other friends but that was cool because we were enjoying ourselves and, quite honestly, this girl is a sister of one of the other bridesmaids and i think she was really only invited because the bride knew she would be out anyway and it might be nice to formally include her. She wasnt on the original invite list, and was only invited by verbal invitation a week before the actual event. Not that that should matter but, somehow, to me, it does.

Anyhoo, 5 of us had been dancing for quite a while on a very crowded dancefloor and sick of copping elbows and with tiring feet, we decided to sit down for a while. This included the bride-to-be and her mother. In fact it was the bride-to-be who suggested a rest. We wander off the dancefloor and around into another area of the bar where we found one of the missing bridesmaids chatting away to a mutual guy friend of ours. She'd been missing for at least a half hour but, like i said, we were all enjoying ourselves so it didnt matter if one or another of us wandered off for a while. We all took a seat, and the bride-to-be and aforementioned missing bridesmaid excused themselves to go to the bathroom. Good, good, no worries - off they went, in a pair, as women do. The rest of us got down to small chat, introducing two of teh girls to the guy friend, asking where do you live? What do you do ? All that kind of stuff. Out of nowhere, the invitee who has so offended me - for the purposes of storytelling, lets call her Mary - comes walking over and, counting us, goes " One, two , three, four, all of you get your butts up and dance ". I looked up at her and in a mock tired kind of voice went , " aww, no Mary. Come on, we're resting for a while ". Here's how the rest of the conversation went ( not verbatim but pretty close to it ):

Mary: " I said get up and dance. The bride and my sister have said we're all going to dance, so get up ".
Me: " No Mary, the bride was the one that just asked to sit down. Give us a minute ".
Mary: " Don't you tell me no. Get the fuck up ".
Me ( kind of shocked now ) : " No, Mary. No! "
Mary: " Dont you tell me fucking no - the bride and my sister are more important than the rest of you so when they say they want to dance, you'll do as i fucking say. Now all of you get your fucking arses up and get on the fucking dance floor! "
Me ( quite disgusted by now - by saying " all of you " she has now included the brides mother in her tirade ) - " Excuse me ? You dont speak to me like that. When the bride wants to dance, she'll come and ask us. So no, we arent going to dance right now ".
Mary ( now down in my face, wagging her finger at me ) - " Fuck you! I'll speak to you how i want! Don't you ever fucking come to me with your fucking problems again! "

....and off she stalked. Not only was i taken aback by her language and the fact that this explosion had come out of nowhere, but i was baffled but the " problems " comment. Not once in my entire 24 years of living have i ever spoken to this particular girl regarding any problems i may ever have had. For God's sake - i suffered depression for 6 years and i doubt she even has any idea bout that. If she does, its second hand knowledge from her sister at best. It quite insulted me that she would presume that she is SO important in my stratosphere. What also insulted and upset me is that she had the nerve to go off at me, the one who spent quite a bit of time trying to make sure everyone was happy, for apparently lacking in concern for what the bride wanted. Especially seeing as she was a last minute invite, meaning she cant be super important in the brides stratosphere either.

She stalked off, leaving me inwardly fuming, two other girls and the brides mother gobsmacked, and our guy friend trying to apologise for Mary's behaviour. " Does she always do this ? " was the question from the brides mother. Not always, but she had done something similar to me before, only that time she pushed me into a wall and that time i was too drunk to really care. This time i wasnt - i was sober and lucid enough to be both mad, upset and ashamed that someone had acted that way in front of the brides mum. Absolutely disgraceful. So the bride and Mary's sister come back and there's some obvious tension in the circle. They ask us to go dance but all of us insist, no, lets just rest. It's blatantly obvious to the bride that something happened so i mention it - Mary's sister is not drunk, but " happy " enough that she just shrugs it off. At this point i cant stand to be there anymore so i make my apologies to the bride, my best friend, and to her mother and leave.

The next day i am talking to my friend, Mary's sister, and am trying to broach the subject without sounding like a whinger or like i am trying to cause trouble. Being a text message conversation she says " ha, ha, well i can see two sides to it. Some people are just more emotional than others ". This also comes as a slap in the face - " ha ha " ? Its not funny - i dont find being sworn at and insulted for no obvious or valid reason funny at all. She says she didnt say it was funny, but isnt that what " ha ha " would imply ? Now, this afternoon, two days after the incident, Mary's sister send me a text message saying , verbatim : " If you want to call someone a slut how long do you think it takes to come back to them ? ". Confused, i replied that i didnt know, and who had said that about her? Turns out, apparently that it was me - i've apparently been calling Mary a slut behind her back for weeks now. This time, i was gobsmacked - is she serious? Firstly, why would i say that ? Secondly, who would i say it to ? I am notorious for not having a large group of friends and i have no mutual friends with Mary at all. I tell her sister this, and she says that if i say i didnt say it, then fine.

But you know what? Its not fine. Not at all. It is not enough that i have been accused, by God knows who, of talking about people behind their back, of insulting them, but that a girl that has known me for 17 years needs to ask if its true. I asked her who this rumour had come from and she wouldnt say, only to say that it was someone that knew both she and Mary, but that they dont know me. What the fuck ? So the story that i am calling someone a slut is coming from someone who doesnt even know me? Does that make any sense at all ? God knows what i did to this person, or persons, or whatever, to deserve to have my name dragged in the mud. This is not the most of the point - what is the point, the part that has now further compounded my anger and hurt, is that a friend who has known me for 17 years, since the first grade, needs to check if its true. She needs to ask if i had said it. I appreciate that she would be stuck in the middle however, if after 17 years she still needs to check, then she has suprisingly little idea of what kind of person i am.

In my entire life i have never willingly, malevolently, talked about someone behind their back - not even someone i dislike, let alone someone that i may have counted as a friend. It is not in my nature, nor has it ever been. So for her to feel the need to question it , even just for " peace of mind " as she put it, means she is questioning me as a person. What kind of person i am. And that is not good enough. That is hurtful.

I'm a very loyal person - loyality in friendships and relationships is almost the quality, the value, that i hold dearest to my heart. I am very loyal, and feirce in that loyalty. I am honest in my friendships and the very few close friends that i have i imagined i would have for life. That being said, because i invest so much in those relationships, if you mis-use or abuse my investment, my trust, it is extremely hard to get it back.

I'm afraid if Mary doesnt apologise, her friendship, which was purely casual to begin with, becomes null and void. At best, she goes back to being an acquaintance . But her sister ? If the friend i have had for 17 years cant accept or understand why i am so upset with HER and cant explain to me why she would question me like that except that it was to give her peace of mind well - perhaps we still remain friends but she falls very far in my estimation of what a " close " friend is, and the friendship will never be the same again.