You know how when you've been wanting to do something for months, and for better or worse you've ( kind of ) been procrastinating or just not quite finding the time - and then, finally, you get your arse into gear and the project is nearing completion .... you know how that makes you feel ? That " wow, look what i've done ", personal pride kind of feeling ? Yep, thats what i've got going on because..... the baby's room is almost done!
I feel like i've achieved a lot today. Its not just the physical act of washing and drying and folding piles and piles of baby clothes and cot sheets and fleecy blankets - although seeing all those little clothes hung out on my washing line was kind of sweet. Its more than that. The near completion of this physical task - the painting, the putting together of furniture, the washing and folding, the organising and decorating - is symbolic. It means I'm READY. Or as ready as i'm going to get anyway. Sure, i still need to pack a bag for the labour ( altough i did pack my bag for the actual hospital stay today - go me! ) so i'm technically not quite ready, but i feel like i am.
I also feel excited, nervous and a little scared - but on top of all this, i feel ready. I know i'm repeating the same word over and over here but theres no other way to explain it. I feel like i'm in a place where, even though i am excited and nervous and just a little scared, i'm also at ease with whats going to be thrown at me and i'm pretty sure that i'm going to be able to handle it, no matter how bad it appears to be. It might be because i've been having all these little conversations with other mothers or other pregnant women lately - like my beauty therapist today ( by the way way, lower leg and foot massages are the bomb! ). Its nice knowing that i'm part of a group - which has literally billions of members.
She asked me if i had thought about pain relief for the birth ( which i have.... kind of ) and how i think i'll make it through labour ( which can literally last all day if not longer ).
Here's what i'm holding on to - billions of other women, since the dawn of time, have been able to do this. And if they can, i can to. Simple yes, yet motivating. If so many other women can do it - can be strong, can bear down in the face of pain, can kick and scream and fight until the " job " is done ( or, for the Zen ladies out there, bite their lips and do it all in silence ).... then so can i. I can be that Superwoman.
And seeing as i've put together a piece of furniture all by myself this afternoon, made up the cot, sorted and folded all the clothes my child owns and cleaned the bathroom, i think i'm well on my way to that superhero status....
Well, none of this has gone to plan.
10 hours ago