Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Prick Me Once....

Dear YouKnowWhoYouAre ( and if you dont you ought to ),

What happened? I know what you tell me happened - you said that i " changed ", though you couldnt pinpoint where or when. You said that i became different, the sort of different that you didnt like; that i started becoming arrogant, like i was better than everyone else. Thats what you say, anyway. Truth be told, i think your husband has been in your ear - i always liked him, i thought he was a great guy, but after our little episode i now think he's not a nice person at all.

So tell me the truth - did your husband convince you of my supposed transformation, or was it a conclusion you came to yourself? And if it is something you personally witnessed, could you please let me know when, and where and how? Because even now, more than a year after you confessed how much you didnt like me anymore, every word you said still hurts because i still have no idea what your talking about. Best as i can understand is that around the time i came out of the black cloud of depression i developed more self-confidence - i wasnt just the sad clown, funny-but-single best friend anymore. I had found a little personal happiness, something i was proud of and wanted to boast about. I was overcoming my demons and i wanted to shout that to the world. I would have thought you would have been happy about this, ecstatic that i'd found some kind of inner peace - instead, i think this is the "arrogance " you ( or he ) are referring to. I wasnt just content to sit in the background and be only your personal cheerleader anymore.... i was being the leader of my own cheer squad for a change. Maybe, just maybe, this left you out of my limelight for a little while and YOU DIDNT LIKE IT. You know, not being the centre of attention.

We have a strained relationship now, and its killing me. We both have little bubbas and we had always said that our children would be like siblings. Not so much. After your outburst, which i took with a grain of salt and without airing my own grievances with you ( not that i had many, and those which i had were so insignificant when compared with what i perceived to be the depth of our friendship... ), we still catch up but only once every month or so; if we run into each other in the supermarket its polite chit-chat about our babies and how busy we are, not a " hey, lets grab a coffee! " like before; and your husband barely says hello, let alone sits and has a conversation with me like we used to do. I'm sure he looks down his nose at my fiance, because he has a better, higher paid, better educated job, because you two are married and we are not. If anyone thinks they are better than anyone else, it is, dare i say, your hypocritical husband.

This has needed saying for a while, and rather than say it to you and risk the immediate end of our friendship, i've chosen to release my hurt to the virtual universe and let our relationship run its natural course. Whether it sinks or swim may be out of our hands and in those of the Fates, all i know is i've done all that i can to help it limp along and i'll be damned if i'll let it be dragged down by more ill words. Will you do the same?

Yours - hopefully,
Your ( Former? Probably. Seems Like Thats How You Want It ) Best Friend.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. *hugs*
    I think everyone has had a moment like this...I know exactly how you feel!
    Chin up! xo

  3. bugger...thought when you deleted a comment it would vanish...not leave evidence (note first comment removed by author) LOL! I only removed it cause I had a typo! hehee

  4. Ah mate, I know exactly how that feels. I hope it all works out ok. You're doing the right thing letting it go out into the virtual universe, you can only try so much before you just have to let things run their course. It's hard though when they've said things that hurt, it's so hard not to think about them when you're lying in bed at night, trying to get to sleep. I sometimes have these virtual conversations of what I would say to them if I really had the guts, but I've learnt that just does nothing but make me more hurt and upset. I'm sending lots of hugs and good vibes your way!

  5. Ouch . . it's never nice to lose a friend. That sucks big time. I'm sorry. :(

  6. Good on you for finding your voice and more importantly happy place. I have been through something similiar..so totally get where you are coming from! Hope you got some release and maybe closure?

  7. I so understand what you are going through. I have a SIL that we were as close as sisters. Until I stuck up for my daughter (imagine that, me sticking up for my daughter) she said things to me, that really hurt and I just said fine, you're the loser. She finally asked for my forgiveness. I told her I accepted it, but that our relationship will never be the same, as when someone attachs me or my family I pull back. I'm sorry for you, but in the long run, if her husband is a complete ass, you are better off.

  8. My ex-best friend's husband broke our friendship apart. That and the fact that I had a baby and she didn't seem to get that I just wasn't the same person anymore. Whatever, her loss. I'm completely happy.

    As far as your question about Junior High, Ethan will probably start when he is 10. He's a year younger than all of his classmates because his birthday was a few days before the cut off date to register him for Kindergarten. He'll be 17 when he graduated high school.