So - i guess you may be wondering why i've been missing in action the last fortnight? ( You know, or not - you might have all left and i could just be talking to myself here ). The truth is that sneaky old " black dog " has caught up with me again and as those of you have also suffered depression know - well, its just not all that good for motivation.
I can put my hand up and admit it - i'm back seeing a counsellor and working through cognitive behaviour therapy again. Perhaps its partly all this extra oestrogen pumping around my body, perhaps it was the 3 major life events ( wedding/pregnancy/starting a business ) all within 2 months of each other that has pushed me over the edge, but those sneaky negative thoughts and anxieties are back with a vengeance. The good news is that this time i'm old enough and wise enough to recognise them for what they are - and i am one bazillion percent determined to get them under control before my gorgeous baby girl gets here.
I will not let myself sink under the black clouds this time. I owe to Mick and to Flynn to be the wife and mother that they deserve, i owe it to my unborn daughter to be a strong capable woman who will raise her to be the same. But, most of all, i owe it to myself. I have come too far, through too much shit ( for lack of a better word - lets face it, depression is complete and utter shit ) to lose " me " in a sea of wife/mother/daughter/business owner and whatever the hell else i am supposed to be.
So - the good news is i'm back. The bad news is i've gone all "head-case " again. Or as Matchbox20 so succintly put it ... " I'm not crazy, i'm just a little unwell "....
My Summer Bucket List
3 days ago