Monday, August 26, 2013

Digging It Out, Letting It Go....


  • I've been digging my way out of my little black hole for a few months now ( with varying degrees of success ) but, over the weekend i realised something: for the first time in a while i am excited. Maybe excited isnt quite the right word, but i find myself looking forward to things, excited at the prospect of what is hopefully to come.

    We are waiting very patiently for a pre-approval on a house loan ( my fingers are crossed for an answer this week! ) and we would then like to buy a house and land package; Tullys first birthday has been and gone but I am now hoping that my little man gets a spot in preschool, which would please him no end; we have a beach holiday coming up at Xmas and a sojourn to Sydney in January around my 30th birthday. There are, of course more day to day things on the horizon that i'm looking forward to, but i've found that rather than being anxious about these " big deals " i have, somehow, " let go " and I am now looking forward to the future rather than worrying and stressing about what is yet to come.

    Dont get me wrong - i mean, i'm still sweating on that answer from the bank, but i'm not fixated on it and having to control the urge to ring EVERYDAY to see if there is an answer. I'm daydreaming about that house but if we dont get the money we need and we cant build my world wont fall apart - yes i'll be disappointed but there are other options and we can get back to the homeownership dream later.

    It all seems so simple doesnt it : Just. Let. Go. But in the depths of that black hole, when that pin prick of light waaaaay up the top seems so bloody small, letting go is about the last thing you can handle doing. " Letting go " means acknowledging that so much is out of my hands and that no matter how much i stress and worry and ponder on it, it wont effect any potential outcome. I dont know how i did it this time around, but some part of me just voluntarily gave up that hold.

    And now i'm trying to make everyday a positive, to start the day out with the attitude that ' today WILL be a good day " and trying to overcome any obstacles that might get in the way. Some days i succeed in doing that, some days i dont. For the most part, the days are starting to be sunnier, even when i do have the odd cloudy patch....

2 comments:

  1. Amy I am so glad to read this, so happy that you are starting to feel better and finding your way back! I think even without the burden of depression, learning to let go is one of the hardest lessons in life.

    I will keep my fingers crossed fr good news on the mortgage front!

    Xxx

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  2. oh good luck missy! I remember being denied loans and then finally getting one approved - was insane, and quite depressing until it happened.

    Sending positive energy your way!

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