Yes, i know i'm not religious and I dont actually really believe in God, but in the spirit of Baby Jesus's birthday I am praying that he can save me from the horrid Christmas cd my boss has insisted on playing the last two days. Let me just give you this:
CHRISTMAS + FAKE ELVIS = MUSIC TO KILL YOURSELF BY
Seriously. See, one of our clients is an Elvis impersonator and he's made some crappy cds of himself singing various Christmas carols. Being the dutiful client-pleasing lady that she is, my fellow manager has decided that we should at least try listening to it. Because my desk is closest to the cd player, I have the supreme pleasure of hearing it all day long, even if i dont want to. I mean, I like Elvis and I like Christmas, but Fake Elvis sucks chocolate, salty , Christmas balls ( a cd of Chef from South Park singing Christmas carols would be way cooler! ). He's one of these Elvis imitators that thinks sounding like the King means you have to slur all your words to the point of incomprehensibility. Plus, he's chosen all the boring, slow paced Christmas songs, so the entire CD sounds like one monotonous drone.
Sweet Baby Jesus - please deliver me from this evil. By some miracle, please return the Partridge Family Christmas Album that my mother played when i was a child ( at least those kids were boppy ). I beg of you to please find some divine way of sending me a Harry Connick Jnr album full of smooth, jazzy Christmas cheer. I will even take one of those generic " hey, all the cool popstars love Christmas !! " albums, featuring Mariah Carey, Christina Aguilera and Ricky Martin ( who really oughta be singing " Feliz Navidad " ). Anything would be better than Fake Elvis.
P.S I also pray that this mock prayer does not offend any of your loyal followers. If they were me, they'd be praying to be rid of Fake Elvis too.