I had me a little mummy meltdown last night. I'm not proud of it, but it happened, and i can admit to it. See, my bubba is still having the " tummy troubles " that i've previously blogged about and the challenges of trying to help him shake it are kind of getting to me.
We went to the specialist paedatrician on Monday who advised that i keep up the breastfeeding, give him water and prune juice after every feed and give him a double dose of medecine everyday. Believe it or not, the medecine part of that menu is the easiest. His medecine is super sweet so all i have to do is measure him out a spoonful, into his mouth and mmmmmmmm - he gulps it down. The breastfeeding and the water/juice part is proving to be a little more difficult. I love breastfeeding and i'm so glad that, despite a few hiccups at the start, Flynn and I stuck with it. Problem is that now, at almost 5 months, my milk is not quite enough for him ( which is why we tried a bit of rice cereal - which has seemingly caused the tummy issues - in the first place ). By early evening the little guy is wanting to feed every hour-ish and, before his bedtime rolls around, my supply runs low. This means a little " Mum, i'm still hungry!! " tantrum, before i can settle him down and get him to sleep.
The other issue is with the water and the prune juice. Two weeks of different medical professionals telling me try prune/carrot/apple/orange juice means that my son has developed a sweet tooth early - which means he's not interested in plain old water. He's also not interested in a bottle anymore. Since having all the different remedies shoved at him, he now HATES the bottle. He starts crying as soon as he sees and if you try and put it in his mouth? Screams! So consequently its either force the bottle in and make him swallow something ( while he screams and cries and splutters ) or, well, nothing.
So last night, i had my moment. My milk had run out, Flynn wouldnt even contemplate the bottle of formula i'd made up for him and Mick decided, after an hour of wailing, that it was time he hit the sack. Which left me with a crying, hungry baby, a supply that couldnt satisfy him, and a major headache. I gave him what i could of my milk and then sat with him on my lap, hoping for sleep. Two and a half hours and another feed later, Flynn was pushing out the zzz's.... and i was pouring out the tears. I felt like a bad mum because i'd gotten so frusturated; like i had the most difficult baby in the world but it was my fault because i should never have tried the rice cereal; like my head was going to explode if i couldnt get some quiet and some sleep soon; and i even felt resentfult towards Mick because he'd crept off to bed instead of staying up and helping me.
But fear not - i've moved past it today. I love both my gorgeous fiance and beautiful son to death, and i know i'm a good mumma. The last five weeks have tested my limits and i've had my crazy moments, but i havent ( yet ) completely cracked. Lets just cross fingers that the blood tests that my little guy had on Monday show up nothing serious and we can get a solution to his " difficulty " soon!