Sooooooooooo toxic...
Since " breaking up " with my best friend last year, i've had a lot of thinking to do on the subject of platonic relationships, on the types of people we need to surround us. And after the little mothers group Christmas party we attended yesterday, i've come to the realisation that as much as i wanted great friendships to develop for me within this particular group, they really havent ( aside from one - i'm so happy to have found a great friend for myself, and a great playmate for Flynn ). And i've also realised that if those friendships dont really exist, that if the relationship between myself and another person or people is even kind of toxic.... well, there is no point in continuing with it, is there? There is no point in keeping people around for their numbers, for being able to say " I have this many friends! ", if they arent the kind of friends that make you feel good about yourself, about your life, and your place in the world.
Without going into details, lets just say i felt totally gutted by the whole situation yesterday afternoon. We had our little do in the morning, at which i felt isolated, left out of the clique that seems to have sprung up between other mums , and frusturated that certain kinds behaviour is allowed from some children when i expect better of my own child ( yes, THAT old chestnut ). By mid afternoon i felt a huge knot of frusturation/anger/disappointment/resentment in the pit of my stomach and i hated that. I hated that i felt that way.
And then.... i realised i dont HAVE to feel like that. I can take myself out of the situations that constantly disappoint me, i can cut the interaction with those people down to the absolute bare minimum. I can enrich my life, not through the number of friendships i had hoped to gain, but by not subjecting myself to the toxic "friendships " that i ended up with. I can put my energy ( and my heart ) into the relationships i already have, i can i take the opportunities for new friendship when they come to me, instead of willing for them to happen in the wrong places, with the wrong people. And i can feel contented and enriched by what i do have, and use that to fuel further happiness in my life.
What about you? Do you feel the same compulsion as I did to say you've got a huge number of friends, or have you realised that its quality rather than quantity?
I have been down this very same road and I can tell you the ending is a good one. Sometimes we keep people in our lives because they have always been there, or we feel like they should be there, the thing I realised is that relationships are two sided, and if you get nothing on your end, then perhaps you are better off moving forward and leaving the toxic behind. If you are going somewhere and hating every moment and feeling miserable the whole time and then some, it is time to move on or forward. And dont feel bad for it, whats the worst that will happen? Some people who you don't even like that much might talk about you behind your back - let them I say.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy moving forward Amy - it is a liberating feeling. xx
This is something I've been thinking about myself a lot recently, and I have a post coming up soon. I think friendships are fluid; they change, we change or circumstances just change. People can also be different to who you originally thought they were. What I do think though is that life is far too short to keep going back to a situation that makes you miserable.
ReplyDeleteLove this post! Must've been a lightbulb moment for you. I've never had anything strike me quite so clearly about friendship myself but you are completely right.
ReplyDeleteI'm at a time of my life when I don't have many friends, but choose which ones I share my friendship (ie. time, effort, stories) with!