Excuse me, but could you please shut the hell up?

I know we all have pet hates. In fact, most of us have more than one - those things that really bug us. That really make our blood boil. Those small things that, if we become President of the Universe, we would completely outlaw. You know what i would outlaw ? Talking in yoga class.

Yes people, i am serious - i CANNOT stand people talking during yoga. Unless you are the instructor, your mouth should be shut and you should be focused on your breathing. You should be focusing inward - you should not be talking about whether Karen dropped by or not, how much this stretch is hurting you, or how ridiculous you feel balanced on your shoulders with your legs flipped over your head. If you feel overstretched, ridiculous or concerned with Karens whereabouts - please leave. I came this close during class today to rolling sideways off my mat and smacking someone upside the head. There were two women there, who i've never seen in any other class, who, for the first 15 minutes, would not keep quiet. I know that i'm supposed to be focused and calm, but its very hard to stay focused ( and calm ) when all you can hear is people nattering away on the mat next to you. Have some God damned respect people!

I mean, this peeves me so much that i even dislike people talking BEFORE yoga class. Maybe i'm the Yoga Nazi, i dont know, but when i get to class 10 minutes early, its for the express purpose of pre-class stretching and inward focus on breath. I cannot get into that head space when middle aged women come in, plonk themselves down, and decide to have a good old chat. If you want to chat, put your mats in the room and go outside to talk. Its not even as if they were talking about anything important, or even yoga related. Do you want to know what they were talking about ? Their preference in music, what songs they want played at their funerals and one womens particular food allergies. Do you know how i know that? Because i heard every word of their bloody conversation! If you want to discuss music, moves, politics, religion or food allergies, why dont you go for a drink AFTER class and get right into the discussion ? Dont burden me with the fact a specific John Denver song makes you cry or that you cant eat watermelon, not even in summer. I dont care.

And this is all, i've had my gripe. But do you notice how i did it here and didnt rave on it about in yoga? Its quiet time people. QUIET TIME. The next time someone messes with my yoga, we may just be hearing that Andrea Bocelli number at their funeral....