Operation Slimdown, Mach 2, Week 1

Well, well, well Amy - here we are again. Thats right people, i'm getting back to Operation Slimdown, and this time i'm ramping it up a little. Lets face it, ramping it up a lot - it never really got off the ground the first time and was more wishful thinking than anything but this time i'm jumping back on the "get fit, be healthy " bandwagon and i'm not getting off for nobody! Unless that somebody is cheesecake. Or icecream. As a treat. In moderation. But i digress....

Thats me, the fat girl ( taken yesterday ). My bubble butt only just fits in that swing....

I need to lose weight. I felt like i had plumped up a little but because i dont own a set of scales, i couldnt be sure of by how much. To be honest, i didnt particularly WANT to know - that little set of numbers can be very scary! However, after seeing the few photos we took on our Sydney trip last week i've been scared into looking at all those numbers and doing something abou them. I mean, i'm not obese or anything ( although according to my BMI i am... ) but those photos showed a me that i didnt recognise as "me". I'd seen that girl before, and she wasnt happy....and i dont want to be that girl again.

I know i can do this because i've done it before. Oh yea, i've been a gym junkie: not so long ago i went to the gym 6 days a week and maintained a size 10 figure. Then i met my beloved and spent less time at the gym, and more with him. And a few kilos crept on because i wasnt exercising as much and, besides, he didnt mind if i had a little junk in my trunk so i took a few liberties with the chocolate, and the ice cream, and the yummy, yummy burgers.... and then, i fell pregnant. I didnt put on much during my pregnancy, only 9 kilos, but somehow i have managed to not only NOT lose any of that but put on a handful more kilos aswell. Not happy.

So, inspired by those "fat girl " photos and by the lovely Holly over at Good Golly Miss Holly! ( who is also on a get fit plan ), i've decided the time has come to actually get my bum into gear and get serious about losing some pudge. I've taken my measurements and am going to post them for you all to see ( unlike Holly though I am not brave enough to take bikini pictures and share my cellulite with you. No. Thankyou. ). The numbers are:
Bust: 99cm
Waist : 84.5cm
Hips: 103cm
Bum: 108cm
Thigh: 67cm
Weight: 77.8kgs
*EDIT - i kind of forgot to add my goal weight here! I'd like to be down to 70kgs by Flynns 1st birthday on Dec 27th. Thats 3 months to lose 7.8kgs. 10kgs would be nice ( then i'd be back to my pre-pregnancy weight ) but i'll be happy to see 70kgs....

So thats that. I'm not going on actual "diet", i'm not counting calories and i'm not employing some fancy dietitan or personal trainer. I'm just going to eat smaller portions, have more fruit and more water and increase the exercise from one hour a week to at least half an hour a day. Wish me luck, and tune in next week for an update!

Dear Flynn, Aged 9 Months

Hey Flynny!

Loving the swings now the sun is out - and look at those little piggies!

Well good gravy - havent the 3 months since my last letter been a whirlwind? A crazy, cute, weird and wonderful whirlwind. What i cant believe is that both of have made it through alive ( i should have died from sleep deprivation and you should have been packed off to China, like i threatened a while back ). But here we are, on your 9 month-aversary, and we're both happy and relatively healthy ( if not a bit tired ). And my havent you come along way, little man? Not so long ago i was moaning to everyone that you'd never crawl; that you hadnt spoken your first word yet; that of course that must mean you were developmentally delayed. And what have you done in the last month since Fathers Day?
* You've come up with your first, and second, and almost third words - "dad" followed closely by " mum " and we're getting a " wub, wub, wub " whenever i look at you and say " love, love, love! ".
* You've started crawling and in the past week alone have managed to better your PB lap time around the dining room table time and time again. Your so fast now, and so interested in getting your move on, that i can hardly keep you still to eat your afternoon bikkie... and thats something. You love bikkies!
* You've kept on with the raspberry blowing, but have added that " wah, wah, wah " Indian-noise thing ( you know the one... ) to your repertoire. Impressive - except that instead of slapping your chubby little hand over your mouth, you slap it against your cheek and just make the " wah wah " noise. Don't worry - you'll get it soon.
* You clap, you wave bye-bye, you and  (i dont know how this happened ) give the Peace sign and you try your darndest to dance. Or at least thats how i interpret the wild arm flapping and smiles everytime you watch Playschool or Sesame Street.

The one thing that i had hoped to include this letter is "champion sleeper " but, sadly, we still arent quite there yet. Maybe its just because you love being close to your mum and dad, or maybe its because your so interested in the world around you that you cant bare to miss one minute of it with something as boring as sleep ( huh! ) but for some reason we still havent progressed to night time sleep throughs. You've had a few little good patches but, by and large, you're still waking up three or four times a night. You've stopped staying awake for hours on end ( thank Gawd ) but i'm crossing fingers that this new sleep routine i'm implementing will see consistent sleep throughs sometimes soon. I mean, i know no-ones perfect but if you start sleeping through hell...you'll be as damned close to perfect as a baby boy can get.

Despite all the night-time craziness, the gigantic dirty poops, the hair pulling, the splashing me til i'm soaking wet at bathtime and general baby kookiness - i love you. Big lots. To the moon and back even.
Wub, wub, wub
Your Mama

I Like It, I Love It!

So - when i disappeared for a few days, where did i go? Mick, Flynn and I went to Sydney for a few days, thats where. And, i'm happy to say, we had a great time and it was just the break i needed. We stayed at Micks aunties place so we didnt have to pay for accomodation ( yay for being able to crash at the rello's place! ) and we got breakfast and dinner cooked for us, so we saved on food costs too. We drove down Sunday, only stopping twice with Flynn, and went shopping on the Monday. We hit up DFO Homebush and Westfield Parramatta - i didnt buy much but it was still a decent way to spend sometime. Thankfully Flynn wasnt too over-awed by all the people and the noise although he was a little unnerved every time we went in an elevator...

Tuesday we took the train from Parramatta into the city. Although he's too young to appreciate it, i really enjoy just cruising around the CBD and i wanted to get a photo Flynn with the Opera House and the Harbour Bridge. It happened to be a beautiful sunny day so the pics are a little over-exposed and, as i'm feeling quite fat, i'm not posting the pics of me. You can have this one of Daddy and Flynn though:

But the absolute highlight of my trip? Tim McGraw!! If your one of those sad people who i've come across who doesnt actually know who is, Tim McGraw is a country music superstar, a Grammy winner, and actor and an allround hunk of sexy. Please peruse these pictures as evidence of that last bit:

Oh yea - spunkrat. Anyhoo, Mick and I ( and my mum and dad, who were kind enough to pay for our tickets ) took ourselves off to see Tim live in concert on Tuesday night and, i gotta tell you, it was awesome. My one disappoint was that i didnt take my camera - i thought it would be no use to me but thats because i didnt realise how close we would be. Turns out our tickets were only four rows from the front of the catwalk so i could have got a perfect shot of his performance ( or his cute little bum! ). We were that close that if i had stood on the seats the row in front of me i would have been able to touch him - only i'm not the kind of girl who climbs all over crap, risking a humilating fall onto a fellow concert goers during which i may have exposed my butt crack. Not cool. Anyways - so yea, we were super close to the stage and i didnt take my camera. Very disappointing. I did manage to borrow my mums camera phone ( couldnt use mine - Flynn drooled on my phone and now the camera doesnt work ) to snap a few grainy pics. Apologies for the quality:

And the best part of all? He brought out his wife, Faith Hill, to do a duet with him and apparently it was the only leg of the tour that she sang at ( take that Brisbane and Melbourne! ). I stood, i sang, i danced, i loved it and i stayed out past midnight for the first time since falling pregnant with Flynn. So thank you Tim McGraw - you rocked your sexy butt off!

Here Comes The Sun...

I'm back people - did you miss me? I've spent the past few days down in Sydney, having a little time away with Mick and Flynn ( more on that at a later date ). Home last night, and off to our regular Thursday mothers group meeting today. And what a glorious day it was!

The sun has finally decided to make an appearance around these parts after weeks of wind and rain and overcast yuckiness, so we mumma's took a little bubba's down to the local park for a play. I was kind of excited because its the first time Flynn has really been able to enjoy going to the park - he's at the age now where he likes going on the swings ( especially ) and can interact a little more with other kids and the equipment. Plus, it was the first chance he's had to wear his sun hat and didnt he just look adorable:

Loving his Vegemite sandwich - and his favourite tractor!

Hopefully we're blessed with gorgeous weather next week as we have plans to have our mass playdate at the local Japanese gardens, which should make for some nice photos. Now, onto tomorrow, which is forecast to beautiful, warm and sunny. Perhaps we could take Daddy to the park?

Why Don't YOU Cover Up?

I know i've blogged about this before but i found an article today that had me so riled up i just had to make mention of it. Well, not so much  the article, but the storm of comments following it : should breastfeeding mothers have to cover up while feeding in public?

The majority of comments seemed to be supportive of women being able to breastfeed their babies whenever, wherever, and however they wanted to, or supportive of the right to feed but asking for discretion. But there were some comments that just made my blood boil. This one in particular -

Breast feeding
Posted by: no interest, perth, on 17/09/2010 10:34:16

Just because you have your offspring attached to your breast doesnt mean you can automatically get it out wherever you like and start feeding your litter. Most people have no interst in seeing such things, its just not called for in public. Have a bit of self respect and respect for those arround you and put it away or at least cover it up. While we are at it try putting a leash on the rest ofyour litter while in public and perhaps a muzzle as well, parent shouyld take control of their brood and stop them from running wild and screaming like animals, however I guess if the litter are to run wild then perhaps the parent can breast feed in public like the rest of the live stock.

 

Pardon my language but - what.a. fucking.cockhead. I just wanted to reach through the computer screen and punch this idiot in the throat. How insulting to mothers everywhere, regardless of whether they breastfeed in public or not. And believe it or not, this wasnt the only comment likening breastfeeding to nursing animals. One other person said mothers who breastfeed in public should be made to do so out in the paddock like the rest of the cows (!) and numerous people compared the natural act of breastfeeding to the natural act of defecation - and then said we arent allowed/it isnt polite to defecate in public view so why should it be any different for breastfeeding.

 

Attitudes like that make me absolutely sick and i was shocked that they even exist in todays society. Yes, i can appreciate that some people may not know where to look when faced with a breastfeeding mother ( my advice? If you're not sure, just look away ) but that doesnt mean women should be forced to feed their babies in dirty public toilets or be made to stay home with their babies because thats we're new mums and babies belong ( both of which were suggested by commentors on this article ). Nor do breastfeeding mothers feel they are untouchable and that they're rights come before everyone elses ( also a prevailing attitude in the comments section ) but rather want their babies to have the same freedom to eat when they are hungry that every other person has. Its as simple as that. Anyone who suggests otherwise, or that thinks breastfeeding mothers simply just want to get their boobs out in public and flash them to the world ( give me a friggin' break.. ) is out of touch, out of their minds and out of order...

Friday Flip Off Time

Like i said last week, i dont think anyone is hosting Friday Flip Offs anymore but i've enjoyed doing them so they are ( for now ) staying a permanent fixture on my blog. Its a light-hearted type of carthasis for me, so i only see fit to keep it going. On to this week:

To my state manager, The Bell - as i put it to my father today: i hate you, i hate your guts. I have no idea how you came to be in your position of relative power because you have zero people skills and only the barest of empathies for your employers. You have known since December of last year that i intended on returning to work in the first week of October. It is only now, 2 weeks before my intended return from maternity leave, that you have decided to throw a spanner in the works. It is so typical of you to operate this way - you've done it before - and, frankly, it shits me to tears. If it were a viable option ( which it isnt right now ) i'd quit and find myself another job.  And i may yet do that, in time - at which point you will be politely told to FLIP OFF!

To the half dozen people who have overtaken me in a school zone whilst speeding - you are idiots. The speed limit in a school zone in NSW is 40lm/h there fore it is not only illegal to round me up doing at least 70km/h ( dickhead... ) but stupid and dangerous aswell. I dont know whether you're in a big rush to get somewhere or you just think you wont get caught but whatever the reason, its not going to be good enough when you hit a little kid who is trying to get across the road to school. Grow up and stop speeding, you wankers - go FLIP OFF!

To the two women who have dismissed my idea of going to Tresillian - screw you both. I know one of you actually entertained the idea of going herself with her youngest child, so i dont know where your attitude is coming from. The second one just thinks she is damn Superwoman or something. She can take her idea of how to make a baby settle ( " just turn him on his side, leave the room and let him cry, doesnt matter if its for 3 or 4 hours " !!!! ) and shove it up her damn jumper. What kind of mother does that? I've tried controlled crying, and i'm not a big fan, but even that technique doesnt leave a baby alone to cry for hours on end. Neglectful much? So to both of you, with your ideas of what is a waste of time and what is not needed FLIP OFF!

Meme Time!

So my last post was a re-doing of a meme that wasnt really a meme because i'd never been tagged for it ( Got it? Good ). Today, my post is an actually meme because i was tagged for this one, and awarded some bloggy love, by the lovely Hayley at Our Unique Journey. She thinks i'm a Kreativ Blogger!

And, with so many blog awards, come the rules and regulations of the meme. This one wants me to tell you 7 random things about myself. I can't promise they'll be NEW things but i'll give it my best:

1. I secretly enjoy watching childrens television shows. I know in years to come i will probably be sick to death of them, but right now i enjoy both the programs themselves and the bright look they bring to my sons face. At almost 9 months old he's still a bit little to really WATCH tv, but we sit down together at 12pm and watch " Sesame Street " ( Elmo and Grover in particular get a huge smile ) and he also enjoys " The Magic Roundabout ". However, i shant be letting him watch shows that dont use proper language, such as " In The Night Garden ". I cant stand that show and cant understand why anyone would let a child who is developing their language skills watch a programme where all they do is babble nonsensically.

2. I enjoy driving in Sydney. This is possibly because i dont actually live there, so everytime i have the need to drive in there its because i'm on some little adventure. I'm sure if i actually resided in Sydney i'd feel different but for the time being i dont mind driving on the M4 or negotiating the one way streets in the city itself...

3. I never thought i'd have my first child with a man that i had only known a matter of months and wasnt married to ( i always pictured being married first, not that it matters ) but you know what ? The world works in mysterious ways. And i like it.

4. I'll admit it - i'm a pimple picker. I know your not supposed to pick and squeeze at them, but i just can't help it. If i feel a big hard, yucky lump under my skin, i have this compulsion to get it out. Yes, it'll probably scar, but i just cant help myself. Hey, at least i'm not a nose picker....

5. I failed my drivers licence test 3 times. Yep - 3. The first time i actually hit  a car while trying to reverse parallel park ( actually, it was when i was pulling out of the park... ), and the other two times had to with the " blink off " at roundabout road rule here in NSW. I'll cop to the first test, i should have failed that time, but the second and third times were just revenue raising.

6. I think i'm becoming a Zumba junkie. I'd always been in love with yoga ( and still am ) but almost 9 months after giving birth and not having shifted any weight, i decided to give something a bit more hi-impact a try. And i love it! I dont have to be a born dancer and you dont even have to get the steps 100% perfect all of the time, you just gotta feel the music and move. And its way fun!

7. I have a habit of surfing real estate websites for houses in my (pretend ) price range, even though i'm not yet in the market for a new home. We live in a duplex which the bank  I own, but at the end of next year or early 2012 i'd like to buy an actual house to raise our family in. So, even though its a year or two away, i like checking out what kind of homes are out there waiting for me to buy one day...

So there you be! I know i'm also supposed to give this award away to 7 of bloggers of my choice and link to their blogs...blah blah blah...but as i've done this meme before, i might skip that it this time. However, if you want the Kreativ Blogger award leave me a comment telling me how awesome i am ( ha! ) and i might just give you one...

Puzzle Pieces - Redux

So, i was going through my archive, torturing myself by reading every post i've ever made with reference to my now ex-friend ( i'm a sucker for punishment, but more on that at a later date ) when i came across a post i had real fun doing. Seeing as it was from way back in 2008 and i figure it was ripe for the re-doing. I think it was once a meme that i wasnt tagged for but stole anyway*. The idea was to head over to http://www.someecards.com/ and choose five cards that were representative of you and your life right now. Kind of like pretty, funny, little puzzle pieces. So i did just that - the five i have chosen are different to the ones i picked back in 2008 so here they be:

Ah, so this would should be self-explanatory ( and if it isnt, where have you been the last few days? Not on my blog apparently... ). Thats me in the cute dress, at the bottom. I may feel like i'm at the bottom of the whole friendship jungle gym there, but at least that means i can only go up ( and i'm wearing a cute dress. Always a bonus ).

Yea, thanks Mum and Dad. Oh, and thanks to me from Flynn. Over the years i've been a bit of a worry for my parents, not because i was the ultimate teen rebel but because i was the ultimate teen emo. I'm sure its taken its toll on their mental health ( although i think my dad's always been fairly wack ). And its fair to say the trials of Flynns first 8 months have done my head in some what - not that i was entirely stable to begin with. So thanks to my parents for keeping me as close to sane as possible!

I do. The thought of it scares me. It hasnt happened yet but there is a first time for everything. But the day i start singing along to Justin Bieber - not because a song has been on constant rotation and i cant get the bloody thing out of my head - but because i actually LIKE it, is the day you people need to promise to hunt me down and shoot me. Please?!?

Oh yea - I love you Mick! In fact, i love him so much, i havent even entertained thoughts of ever wanting to, or needing to, leave him. Thats love right? Hell, i didnt even have an escape plan for our first date ( you know, the one where you get your friend to call with some kind of emergency ? ), thats how much i liked him initially. Methinks i've got me a keeper...

And this, my lovelies, is for you all. Your kind comments have been a great, big, fat help the last few days. Its funny how people who have never met me in real life ( which is all but one of you ... ) can have a better read on my personality than someone i thought i was close to. Sure, there are two sides to every story and i'm sure ex-friends version of events is somewhat different to mine, but its nice to know that i have some support based not only on recent events but on what you guys have read over the past few years. I know that my blog is a true reflection of who I am, and to know that you guys support me based on what you've read - on what is ME , as it were - means a lot. So mucho gracias, dudes, mucho!

*Also, feel free to steal this idea if you want. Its not a meme so i aint tagging anyone but if you have bloggers block and are in need of a kick along, take this...

Pricked Again

Well - its over.

My ( now former ) best friend found my blog and didnt like what she read. She wasnt happy at what i had assumed about her husband, and i guess i cant blame her - it was an assumption after all. ( And, as we sadly know, retrospect is both a blessing and a curse ). But after months of being ignored by him ( and her aswell ) or, at the very least, getting the simplest of civil " hello's " i dont know what else i was supposed to think. Generally when someone does not speak to you, or speaks to you only because they feel obligated to, it means they dont actually like you. At least, thats my experience. Apparently her husband had nothing but the highest regards for Mick but, again, i didnt hear anything about it until too late. If he, or she, had made these apparent positive feelings known to me, I would never have had the chance to assume the worst ( as an over-active mind is want to do ).

I received any email from my friend yesterday morning, telling me how arrogant and nasty and horrible a person i am, how insecure I am in myself and my relationship, how hypocritical and judgemental and full of myself i am, and detailing every perceived slight against her dating back to high school. She berated me for confiding my feelings in my blog and not giving her husband a chance to defend himself, yet in the same breath brings up every " bad " thing i have ever done in the time she has known me, some of which i was not even aware of - which gives me no chance to defend myself. She said that we no longer have anything in common, that neither of us cares anymore, and that we're holding onto nothing. This may be true on her part but if i didnt care, would i have felt passionately enough to have let my feelings out? If i didnt care anymore i would have been happy to just see less and less of her until years down the track we realised we were no longer in each others lives. I did care, and i thought, after last years debacle, that there was still something to hold onto. She herself said so in an email back then - that we could both try and we'd only grow closer. Truth is, i was the only one who tried.

After our falling out when i announced my pregnancy, things were rough. We communicated gingerly, but when she herself fell pregnant she contacted me, elated and excited. I thought things were going to be great but i was always the instigator of any contact from that point. I would text her to see how her pregnancy was, email to see how she was feeling; when i was going into labour she was the second person i called ( after my mum ) because i wanted to share that crazy/scary moment with my best friend; i found out her daughter was born by a generic text message she sent to all her contacts ( unlike her however, i took no offence to texting ). When our babies were small i would be the one to text and see how she was getting on, and suggest a catch up - i cant recall once when she asked me without being prompted first. Over the past 8 months she has increasingly ignored me, via email and Facebook ( i commented on her status, and she would reply to everyone but me, and would never comment on my status except to hit the " Like " button ). Finally, this alienation became too much for me and i had my bloggy tizzy fit.

And now - we're over. She has said so in her email and, just to make it official, she has defriended me on Facebook - the ultimate in modern " fuck you "s. I replied to her missive, but dont expect a reply in return. And so, in the next few months, leading up to Christmas and my sons first birthday, and in planning my wedding - i will miss her. I will see her at the mall and wonder whether i should give a polite nod " hello "; i will see her driving around town and wonder where she is going; I will see that a mutual friend has commented on her Facebook status and wonder what she has written. I will wait and see if any other friendships falter, and wonder if she has told these other friends just how she feels about me. I will watch my son grow and wonder how her daughter is doing, whether we are experiencing the same mummy rites of passage. I will miss her.

But i will take this in my stride, learn from my mistakes, and know that i will grow to be a better person without the sadness and alienation and hurt she has slowly forced upon over the last year. I will live, and i will learn to trust in friends again. And i will continue to be me, the REAL me, and know that hiding my truth so as not be hated or judged ( as i felt i would be ) is just not worth my time, nor the heartbreak it will inevitably bring....

Its Friday - Time For Flip Offs!

OK, i dont even know if Gigi from KludgyMom still has Friday Flip Offs still up and running, but i'm going to continue to do them because they were a nice, get-it-off-your-chest, end to the week. I missed it last week because i was on my deathbed ( ok, no, not quite ) but i'm back better than ever now!
To bronchitis - you suck. I somehow end up with you every bloody year and this year is, sadly, no exception. I managed to go the whole winter without having a cold bad enough to bring you on but in the last week of my least favourite season i caught Flynn chest infection and voila! you have made your annual appearance. I'm already sick of the big, barky, mucus-y cough you inflict me with, and it will probably be another week or two before you disappear. How bout you do me a favour and just FLIP OFF!

To the Catholic Church - in Australia, who have decided to ban popular music from funeral services. You killjoys - apparently, according to the almighty Church, a funeral is not a celebration of a persons life and the chance to farewell your loved one, but is intended to commend their soul to God. Which, according to their latest edict, is supposed to be strictly about Church pomp and circumstance and nothing else. They've even asked some people to exclude funny recollections and praise of a loved one from eulogies, and stick only to fact based speeches. As if i didnt hate the hypocrisy and arrogance of the Catholic Church already. So, to the Archbishop of Melbourne specifically who handed down these new rules - why dont you go take a flying leap and FLIP OFF!

To Allanah on " Four Weddings " - screw you and your idea of what a wedding should be. I cannot understand any normal person spending $80 000 on what is essentially only a few hours of their lives. I could buy one third of a house with that, or two brand new cars, and you spent that on cakes, and a dress and a fancy reception venue. What a bloody waste. Also, your comment about one of the other girls wedding dresses, that it looked like something you would buy off a bridal store rack...yea, that really got up my nose. 90% of women ( you know, in my estimation ) are going to buy a dress of the rack from a bridal boutique and there's will be just as special as the $8000 custom creation you were sporting ( which, thought pretty, was indistinguishable from the second hand dress you were hating on ). Just because you had the biggest, most expensive wedding does not make you the best. It just makes you pretentious, so take your fancy, fluffy dress and your bad attitude and FLIP OFF!

We're On The Move!

No, i'm not moving house or anything like that. By " we're " i mean Flynn - he's still not crawling as such but in the last 4 or 5 days he's figured out his own little way of getting around. I'm calling it the " bum pivot "... he goes from sitting down to hands and knees then lifts his bum high in the air ( like he's doing a downward dog yoga pose... ), turns his hip and then sits his bum down. This enables him to move maybe a few inches at a time so its slow going, but its enough for him right now. He's mobile and now that he can also sit himself back upright from his belly ( again pushing up on his toes, like he's doing yoga - must take after his mum ) i don't have to listen to his whinge wah-wah-wah help-me-mum-i'm-stuck noise. Yay! If i can get a photo doing his downward dog thing, i'll post it later.

Until then - you know what else has happened? The last three nights we've had pretty good sleep. Only one wake up, a feed, and then straight back to sleep ( with the exception of Tuesday night where we were up for 2 hours ). Its like Flynn knows that i've finally had enough. Or that going down to Tresillian is like being sent off to boarding school and, as such, he's finally decided to co-operate...

I've Gone And Done It

So - I've gone and done it. After many months of sleepless nights, noisy attempts at controlled crying and parental presence method, of nursing to sleep and sleeping with little feet in my back..... i've applied to spend a week at Tresillian*. I've posted half a dozen times about Project SleepyTime, my hard fought battle to get my son to be able to self settle, to fall asleep and stay asleep, without needing me to drag my sorry, sleepy, scary-haired slef out of bed to help him. Well, its just not working. We had a 3 good weeks of sleep but i cant attribute it to anything i did - i tried every tip and trick in the book for two and half months with very little improvement and then one night Flynn just decided to sleep for 6 hours straight before waking up. He did that every night for 3, maybe 4 weeks and then he got a fever and a virus and our whole good sleep thing collapsed. I've tried everything over the last two and half weeks to get him back on track: we kept up with the music that had worked before but it had no effect this time; i patted and stroked and sshed and sung lullabies; we even put a nightlight on in his room, which has gained us maybe an extra hour or two of sleep.

But Sunday night was the last straw. Flynn didnt fall asleep ( and stay asleep ) until 11pm - Mick and i had been nursing and patting etc since 7pm - and woke at 1am.... and decided he wasnt going back to sleep til 6am. 5 hours he stayed awake. He wasnt crying the whole time, he just didnt want to go to sleep. He wanted to play and watch tv and snuggle. I took him for a 45 minute drive, towards the end of which he fell asleep. I got him out of the car carefully but as soon as his head touched his pillow - bam! Awake and crying. It was 4am in the morning and i'd had enough - i left him in his bed crying and went back to my own bed. My heart said i shouldnt leave him there crying, my head said maybe it was too cold, or he'd poke his arm through his cot bars and be uncomfy but my body was so exhausted that i fell asleep...and i didnt wake til 6am. And Flynn was still crying. I'd left my baby to cry for 2 straight hours while i slept. Thats when i decided pride be damned, we needed help.

I feel like i've given up, like the worst mum in the world. I feel like i've done something so drastically wrong that i cant get my baby to have healthy, happy sleep and now i've just thrown in the towel. Thrown my hands up and said " here, someone else, you deal with it ". I know in reality thats not how it is but thats what it feels like. Failure. Yuck.

So i've gotten a referral from my lovely health nurse, she helped me fill in and submit the forms. Now i just have to ring the facility on Friday and speak to a nurse to make arrangements ( i suppose ). I'm hoping i get in before i go back to work otherwise i'll have to delay returning to my job, which will mean a delay in finances - and the last thing i need on top of no sleep is to go broke. Wish me luck ladies...

* For international readers - or anyone who doesnt know - Tresillian is a baby and family health service. I'm hoping to spend a week at one of their sleep clinics, where they'll teach Flynn how to sleep again, and me how to help him.

A Fathers Day Recap - Sort Of

Yes, i thought i ought to a recap of Micks first Fathers Day. And I am. That being said, there is not too much exciting to tell you.

There they are - my fellas

We had a lovely family breakfast at my brothers house - bacon, sausages and special cheesy ommeletes that my 4 year old neice claimed that she made ( without help. I think not, little H ). All the daddies present ( Mick, my bro and my dad ) all got special hugs and Mick got a little smile out of the fact that my one year old neice can now say his name ( she previously called him Tick ). After breakfast we headed to our local mall to get some stuff for lunch and Mick decided he wanted to buy himself a Nintendo Wii game....which he played for most of the rest of the day. Boring. Fear not though - he did manage to play with and cuddle his son at a few points, and Flynn did find watching Daddy play Wii a little amusing. What was i doing? Housework, and in the evening making Mick a nice Fathers Day dinner - Creamy chicken bosciaola followed by a chocolate mousse for dessert. Seeing as i'm such a noted chef with an awesome foodie blog ( umm, no Amy, you're not... ) i thought i would make you all salivate with a picture of said mousse:

Luckily, the recipe was to serve 6 and there are only two of us, so we had leftovers for tonights dinner ( oh, and i may have had some for afternoon tea ). How did everyone else enjoy Fathers Day?

What A Couple Of Days!

Holy guacamole - the last few days have been " different " to say the least. You may have noticed that i missed Friday Flip Offs but there is reason for that. Let me backtrack:

*Thursday - woke up feeling a little yucky, which i blame on Flynn. Last week i had a stomach bug for three days, i had Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday feeling back to normal, but by Thursday i'd contracted Flynns chest infection because he's been sick enough to have him in bed with us. Well, partly because he's sick, partly because we're still midway through Project SleepyTime. Anyhoo, the doctor we saw on Monday said Flynn had a chest infection that had developed in conjunction with the viral infection he had the week before, and the poor little bloke has suspected asthma ( i say suspected because kids under 12 months can't officially be diagnosed with asthma - apparently you need a history of wheezing before they'll call it " asthma " ). So Thursday morning i think i've probably picked up his infection - by Thursday afternoon i'm sure. A fever of 38.2 degrees, hacking cough and every bone and muscle in my body aching. I feel like total crap. My mum and dad take Flynn grocery shopping with them so i can have a nap.

* Friday - Mick takes a sick day off work so he can look after Flynn because i am totally out of it. Still feverish and with a total body ache. Cold and flu tablets take the edge off a little but i still spend the majority of the morning moaning on the lounge. Mick takes Flynn off to visit his Nanny so they can get out of the house and i can have a proper rest. I pop me some prescription pain killers ( thanks Dad! ) and have a nap - which does wonders. I was still wheezy and felt like my head was going to explode but the aches and pains were gone. I could move freely again! The other big and waaaaaaaaaaaay more important development of the day? Flynn said his first word!! I was ( irrationally ) starting to worry that it was never going to happen, that there was some developmental delay, and then Friday morning we got a " da da da " which had become a fully fledged " dad dad dad " by the end of the day. Guess who'll be getting up in the middle of the night from now on ? Dad, dad, dad, dad, dad.....

* Today ( Saturday ) - A rare weekend sleep in. Why ? Because Flynn had his first sleepover at Grandma and Poppy's. My mum and dad volunteered to have him for the night because i was still a little unwell and Mick had been up most of the previous night and they thought we could use a full nights sleep. Best.Grandparents.Ever. Flynn smiled his little guts out when we go to pick him up which was an awesome feeling. My dad says he wasnt too bad overnight but they he did get to watch a whole soccer match very early in the morning. We take Flynn home, i get to making some rocky road fudge for the two Pop's fathers day presents and then i go back and get my mum so that we can go to a bridal gown sale. A boutique from Sydney has come five hours to my town with discontinued gowns and last-of sizes. I originally only went for a look, to scope out what kind of cuts are available and what would suit me but guess what? I tried a few on ( to appease the sales woman ) and i absolutely fell in love with two of them. I knew that i didnt want a strapless gown ( bloody everyone has strapless gowns ) and i didnt want anything too frou-frou princessy either. I was really dreaming about something either very vintagey or Grecian inspired so when i spied one of each i had to try them. I called my sister and got her to come down for another opinion and after about 2 hrs of trying-on and careful deliberation i went with the Grecian dress. Very simple in cut but it has some sparkle to bling it up. My wedding is not until November 5th next year, so i have 14 months to maintain this weight ( or ideally lose 5 kgs, which wont effect the fit too much ). I cant believe i bought a wedding dress!

And so, tomorrow is Fathers Day. We are having breakfast at my brothers and i'm cooking dinner and dessert for Mick. Lets see what crazy things might happen in between!