Good gravy - i was doing my usual blog reading this morning and i realised i havent posted for a week. Its not like i'm a daily poster or anything but a week is too long. I want to post more regularly, i really do.... its just lately i havent found myself with all that much time, and thats becoming a problem.
See- yesterday? I had a super huge hormonal freak out. I'd gone to bed a bit upset because for the umpteenth night in a row it seemed like Mick and i hadnt connected because one or the other of us has been " too tired ". I feel like he goes to work, comes home, he bathes Flynn while i cook; we eat together then i do paperwork while he washes dishes; then when i'm finished he does his stuff on the computer and then we go to bed. There isnt much connection - physical or verbal - going on and its been bothering me.
So Tuesday night i went to bed upset and yesterday morning its like i'd woken up a thousand times worse. I just barely kept myself together while Flynn and i ran errands down town; we had morning tea with my Mum where i barely uttered a word and fobbed her off with a " oh, i'm just tired "; and then when we came home and the first thing i saw was the books and the toys and the crap all over the floor... i lost it. I made Flynn his lunch through a blur of hiccupy tears. He looked at me a bit funny, like he wasnt quite sure what was going on, but he just sat and watched Sesame Street quietly. I sent my mum a text to apologise for being so glum and when she called a few minutes later to find me sobbing on the other end of the phone, that was that.
She rang my Dad who came round on his lunch break from work. We chatted politely until he finally cracked me and i got all my pent up "whatevers" off my chest. He called his work and arranged the rest of the afternoon off - then he packed up my son, told me to have a nap, that he and Flynn would hang out at his house and came back in a few hours ( which would give me enough time to do some of the backlog of end-of-month paperwork i had ), and that when they got back we'd all get stuck into tidying up. I protested because as much as i needed it i dislike being helped ( it makes me feel like i'd failed to do things by myself... ) however you dont argue with my dad - what he says kind of goes.
So i did as i was told. I slept for an hour then got stuck into my paperwork. I took a short drive to check our PO box and clear my head a bit and managed to finish up a few spreadsheets before they got back. Mick arrived at around the same time and with 4 adults ( me, Mick my mum and dad ) we managed to pack up books and toys, sweep out kitchen and bathroom, clear the dining table ( am i the only one who ends up with various odds and ends all over the dining table? ) and vacuum within half an hour. I still was on edge and tired and had developed a killer stress headache so we ended up having takeaway for tea, but by bedtime i felt better. About myself and my situation.
I knew it was going to be tough to be a pregnant woman with essentially two jobs, a toddler and a house to look after - i'm just glad to know i have such a great support team to fall back on when i do go off the rails!
Well, none of this has gone to plan.
8 hours ago