So I'd be thinking that i'm not the only person on the globe who has been struck down by Olympic fever. In the weeks leading up to these Games i was very cynical, raving on that with China's human rights record that there would be no way i'd be taking an avid interest in the Games this time around. Wrong. No, I've been totally sucked in yet again, consumed with checking internet updates to see what medals we Aussies may have won that day, who we may have lost to, and whether we had overtaken Michael Phelps in the medal tally yet ( I'm glad to say Australia officially won more gold medal than Mr Phelps by day 9 ). We currently sit at number 4 on the medal tally behind China, the USA and Great Britain. Do you know how great that is? China - population 1.3 billion. The USA - population 220 milion ish, give or take a few million. Great Britain - population i'm not sure, but made up of four seperate country-type entities. Australia ? Population around 20 million, and yet we measure up athletically to these super powers. Go us!
Anyhoo, all this Olypmic obsession has lead me to thinking - if i were an Olympian, which sport would i compete ? If i wanted all the glitz and glory, I'd have to be a swimmer, wouldnt i? The swimmers get all the limelight and the biggest front page spread when they win a gold. But, alas, I am not built like a swimmer ( that is, to say, long and lithe ) and besides, Australia's Stephanie Rice and Amanda Beard from the US have the swimming glamazon market pretty much cornered.
How bout a track athlete ? I used to compete at school athletics carnivals and I have a little collection of prize ribbons from placing in various events throughout my school years. I was a half decent sprinter by primary school standards - i represented my school at District and Regional level carnivals, and would have made it to the State representative carnival if my team mates and I could have afforded to go. I have the body for sprinting - i'm shorter and relatively muscular. The thighs I blame my fathers dodgy genetics for are not actually fat, but muscular enough to give me a massive power burst off the start line. Unfortunately, what i dont have is the ego required to be a sprinter - I'm not so good at preening and posing, and gold spikes just wouldnt go with my naturally pale white skin tone.
I wonder if i could be a gymnast. I did gymnastics for a while when i was in primary school but eventually my bum and aforementioned thighs grew too heavy ( no, not large.... ) and cumbersome to swing around. I think I could probably do a round off if i was forced to but anything else tumbling or flipping related would be off limits. One thing that would work in my favour is the fact that i'm over 16 years of age ( China, I'm pointing my finger suspiciously at your girls here.... ), plus I have a killer fake smile. Points in the minus column ? I cannot stand scrunchies and hair clip overkill. Why is that female gymnasts like doing their hair the way i did when i was 7 years old?
So, with all that in mind, i reckon i would have to be a weightlifter. Or a boxer, if females were allowed to box at the Olympics. Not exactly glamorous I know. Picture female weightlifters and you get a vision of short, squat, excessively facial haired women who could possibly be mistaken for men. Not a pretty sight by any means ( my apologies to any female weighlifters who are reading this.... ). But hey, I totally admire a woman who can lift twice her own body weight without snapping herself in half. Or any woman who could easily defend herself in a fistfight, if called upon. And besides, I would be the most girlie, glamorous, athletically gorgeous female weightlifter/boxer ever. Unitards, laced up boots and mouthguards by day, slip dresses, high heels and mascara by night.
Look out London 2012, make way Michael Phelps, get a room ready in the Olympic village - I am totally on my way!
Make something, even if it sucks: Ask Suger
1 month ago