Trust Yourself - Come Alive

Another of the #Trust30 posts - and just for future reference, for the ext month or so you can assume every post is a #Trust30 post unless i say otherwise...
( By Jonathon Mead) Life wastes itself while we are preparing to live. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you had one week left to live, would you still be doing what you’re doing now? In what areas of your life are you preparing to live? Take them off your To Do list and add them to a To Stop list. Resolve to only do what makes you come alive.
Bonus: How can your goals improve the present and not keep you in a perpetual “always something better” spiral?

One week, in the scope of things, is not a very long time ( though much longer than the 15 minutes were given in the first prompt of the #Trust30 challenge ). It might be long enough to organise that sky-dive you've always wanted to do, or take that short trip up the coast that you've been promising yourself, or to dance on the table tops nude at your favourite pub. But, in the scope of things, one week really is not that long a length of time. So, if i did only have that short time left, what would i want to NOT have to worry about? What would i want out of the way so i could enjoy the time i had left?

I'd quit my job - that ones a given. Not only would i not want to spend my last 7 days on Earth working, but i wouldnt want to be working for the company that i am now.
I'd hastily arrange a marriage certificate and licence and tie the knot, even if our parents and Flynn were the only ones in attendance. And...
I'd take my brother aside and tell him to grow up. None of us are sulky teenagers anymore and that means more empathy and less selfishness and immaturity.

Those are the three things that i'd want to get off my plate - off my " To Do " list, so to speak. So why dont i do them now? Why are they still loitering on that list of things that need doing, just not in the forseeable future? Well - the wedding IS in the forseeable future. With only 5 months til our big day i think we can pretty much take it as a given that this WILL happen. Quitting my job? Well, being the responsbile adult and mother that i like to think that I am... i cant quit without another job to go to. I cant just leave my family hanging for the sake of my own happiness. It might be sad to say, but sometimes we need to put our own satisfaction and happiness aside, just for a little while, to benefit the greater good. I wont do it forever though - in fact, i am currently looking a other employment options and should they not work out i fully intend on not going back to my current job after my next period of maternity leave. ( Having another child is also at the top of my " To Do " list....unfortunately that one doesnt have instaneous results, and wont be hurried ).

And the brother thing? Lets just say someone needs reminding about the importance of family, and the way its supposed to work. He also needs reminding that just has he aged so have others, and though he still wants to see them as they were, theyve grown and matured and so should he. The reason i dont say this to him in the here and now is because, right now, it isnt exactly my place. And, even if it were, there would be repercussions that maybe i dont want to deal with. ( Selfish? Yes - perhaps this is a slight case of the pot calling the kettle black.) So i dont say it, though if it isnt said soon - by me or whomever else - it might end up being too late.
So thats that - those are things i'd need to do to allow myself to breath and feel alive for my last week on Earth. After those were out of the way... sky-diving? Freaking hell yea! Trip up the coast? Definately - Mick and Flynn included. Nudie table dancing at the pub? Even with only a week to live, methinks not....

No, I Have Not Fallen Into A Black Hole

How neglectful i have been. I have posted for a little while but i wanted to take a little time to let you all know that i'm still alive. And that i've been well. Just a little distracted. By who or by what i wont say right now. In time, in time my loyal readers ( if your still there ).

For now, i dont actually have a topic to post about, although i wish i did. I've felt like writing the past few days but havent had much to say, beyond what i have just promised to say yet. Confusing?

What i will say is that the conflict of the last two posts has been ( mostly ) resolved. Its nice to be back to the somewhat normal, instead of wondering where i stand with people. Its also comforting to know that its the strength of my loyalty and friendship that helped calm the storm. Its nice to know i'm that kind of person.

So, in an effort to ease the pain of writers block - you got anything you want me to blog about ? Any questions you want answered or mysteries you want solved ? Leave me a comment!

Saturday night fever

Its Monday night and i'm already pining for the weekend.... isnt that sad ? And its not because i absolute hate work ( although i am doing stocktake tomorrow and, as anybody who has ever worked in a retail environment will tell you, stocktake sucks ass ) but its because the weekend has so much more potential for fun.

I get to sleep in and then hang out. Most of the time i dont have anyone in particular to hang out with during the day but that just means i can please myself - go shopping ( ok, window shopping ), watch a movie, just drive around town with my windows down and my music turned up. Sometimes pleasing yourself can be boring, or lonely, but most of the time i focus on the fact that its the weekend... who has time to be depressed on weekends?

Its actually Saturday nights that i look forward too. I know its stupid, juvenile even, you'd think someone my age would be over going to the pub every weekend, but i'm not. I look forward to getting dressed up every weekend, seeing how sexy or stylish or cool i can make myself look on a week to week basis; to catching up with my very good friend AJ, even though she's the same person i go out with every week; to seeing who else is out that i know, so i can chit chat with them; to having random conversations in the womens loo, maybe comforting a fellow female in need after some arsehole guy has wronged her; to having the occasional flirt either with a drunk older guy who is like TOTALLY into me, or a cute younger guy who is obvious just trying it on with an older woman. Mostly i just look forward to the people watching because i'm an observer by nature. I dont claim that my local hangouts are everybody's thing - i know one of you has experienced the DubVegas pub culture with me first hand i dont remember it as being too thrilling of a night - but its something to do, to keep busy, to say that you've actually been somewhere and seen somebody this week.

And i guess thats what it, and this post comes down to - seeing people, doing things, writing stuff, just to prove i'm still alive...