What A Pretty Girl You .... Aren't?

I read this article on Mamamia.com earlier in the week and its had me pondering the past few days. Basically the crux of the post is that the author does not want to compliment her baby nieces looks as she feels society focuses far too much on a woman's appearance and she'd rather build up her nieces other assets instead. But to never tell your niece, or your daughter, that she's pretty? I can't agree with that.

This is my pretty, beautiful, gorgeous daughter...

I understand that we, as the mothers of daughters, want to instill in our girls that they are worth more than just their looks - but to never say ' Hello there gorgeous girl! ' or ' Look at the pretty girl in her pretty dress! '. No, I don't think that's fair either. I think my job as a mum is to build self-confidence in both my children, and part of self-confidence is being comfortable with your body and having a good body image. How is a girl supposed to grow up loving her body, being confident in her appearance, if the people who love her the most won't pay her a compliment?

As a women who suffered from incredibly low self-esteem during her formative years, I can tell you a lot of that anxiety came from not feeling pretty enough.... And that was even WITH being told I was ' Daddy's beautiful girl '. I cannot imagine how much worse that 

feeling would have been had I not heard ' yes darling, you're pretty ' from my parents. Hell, even now, when my husband tells me I'm beautiful or that I look gorgeous in a particular outfit, I find it hard to believe that he could possibly be sincere.

So I will tell Tully that she's pretty. I will continue greeting her in the morning with " Good morning gorgeous girl ", just as Flynn gets a " hey handsome boy ". I will also tell them both that they are smart, funny, sweet, strong and that I love them ' so, so much ' ( as Flynn is want to say ). I make no apologies for that, and I guess only time will tell whether my ' compliments all round " approach will help or hinder my daughter when she tries to make her way in the world.

How about you? Do you hold back the physical compliments from your daughter, or do you acknowledge that her physical attributes are part of her overall make-up as a person?

Home Alone? Really?

As we roll into the weekend, I'm feeling a little worn out. Not that I've had an overly stressful week, but it has been a bit busier than usual, and after having Flynn home with me today when he is usually at daycare I'm a bit in need of a wine and a sleep in tomorrow morning.

Home alone? What will

I do with myself?

I don't know that I can count on a sleep in, but I'm pretty sure I'll get a little time to myself tomorrow. See, Flynn and i went on a 'date' on Wednesday, out to the shops to buy Daddy name Christmas present and have a 'special lunch ' together.... And tomorrow is Daddy's turn to take him to get a present for me. Tully? Well no, she'll be staying home.... There is no WAY Daddy is ready to take two of them out all by himself! Mick hasnt even tackled the task of being at home alone with two of them, let alone out in a public place where all manner of hijinks can ensue!

But I'm okay with that - if Tully can have her usual two hour nap after lunch than I am happy to include that as Mick making an effort to give me some 'me' time. What do I plan to do with it? Well, let's just say I started a little sewing project for myself this week that turned into a bit of a sewing fail, so I'm going to salvage what I can of that little disaster and turn it into something else ( which I may or may not document later on this blog ) and then get started on a little dress for Tully to wear at Daddy's birthday BBQ next Friday night.

I also desperately need to vacuum the living areas but that can wait til 'me' time is over and done with!

Its All In The Perspective

Its funny how things effect you differently after you've become a parent. Things that might have just slipped under your radar when yoiu're child free just seem to get at your more once your own children are in the picture. Case in point : Mick sends me a text today telling me that a young man who was king hit by a stranger in Sydney on the weekend has had died in hospital, and " that shit hits home " with him now - I mean, what if that happened to our Flynn? It snot like either of us were unfeeling bastards before we had children, but a story like that might have illicited some sympathy when initially seen on the tv, and be forgotten about by the next day. But now that we have a son of our own stories like that dig in deeper, hang on a bit longer, and when the outcome isnt so good it hits home that one day that could be our child. Its upsetting.

I've been feeling the same way about the child molestation "scandal " hitting the Catholic church in the past week or so. In the past of course i was upset for children who had fallen victim to paedophiles, and angry that justice just never seems to be served. Now that i have my own children ( or at leasti will have very shortly ) i'm not just upset and angry, but find myself full of vengeful rage when reading these stories. I like to think myself a calm, rational personal, not especially prone to violence - but i swear to you if ANYONE ever touches one of my children inappropriately i will hunt that person down and castrate them my bloody self. All my humanity would go straight out the window and the ferocious MamaBear would come out in defence of my children and their dignity.

Even things as small as the way young girls seem to be dressing and acting these days ( gawd, i sound like i'm 80 yrs old! ) evokes more of opinion that it would previously have had. I already feel a strong urge to protect my unborn daughter from all the bullshit of the world - from the bullies, from the societal pressures to " fit in ", from the nasty boys who might break her heart. I couldnt see the harm in some things before that i can most definately see now, from a mothers perspective.

Kind of makes me want to go and hug my parents and say " thank you " for rasing me the way that they did.....

Treat Them As Queens

Let me ask you something – since when do 8 yr old children have wrinkles? I’m only asking because it seems that there are ( thankfully ) a small group of parents out there who think its completely acceptable to be giving their 8 yr old daughters Botox. And full body waxes. At 8 yrs old. Frankly, to these parents I say – You.Make.Me.Sick.

The most famous child beauty of them all....

Any of you who read Mamamia or New Idea magazine ( and to a lesser extent, last nights A Current Affair ) would have seen these stories already. And though I know these outlets aren’t exactly poster-boys for “serious” journalism, I don’t doubt the truth in these recent articles. I have to say – they concern me. The thought that someone, somewhere thinks its ok to give their 8 yr old daughter regular Botox treatments to treat and prevent wrinkles ( that cannot possible be there at that age ) and semi-regular full body waxes ( even though she hasn’t puberty yet, which means a distinct lack of short and curlies… ) really has me worried for the state of the world. How do these ideas even enter the head of any sane person? You can rabbit on about the role the media places in promoting one particular idea of beauty, or the ideal body shape, or whatever…. But I think, in the end, level-headed parents should be able to go someway to dispelling these media-controlled body myths. Sure, it doesn’t matter how many times you tell your daughters (especially ) that they are beautiful just the way they are, they’ll probably still want longer legs, or straighter hair or smaller noses.

But that doesn’t mean you should cave in to every crazy demand they come up with. Just because an 8 yr old sees models in magazines shaving their legs, doesn’t mean she needs to. Just because a 12 yr old thinks her nose is too big or her boobs are too small doesnt mean you go out and get them plastic surgery. As the parents, you set boundaries and give the encouragment needed to boost your childs self esteem. You DON'T plant the seeds of low self esteem by telling your daughters that only beautiful, hairless, wrinkle-free, big chested woman become superstars. You DONT (quite literally ) groom your daughter for fame by using her as a hairless human pin cushion.

 I'm going to be quite frank - if your doing these things, you are NOT a good parent....

Sometimes You Have To Stop Running.

Getting picked on. Tormented. Harrassed. Bullied. I'm sure its happened to all of us, in varying degrees. Its certainly not a new phenomena, and nor do i see it being phased out anytime soon. In fact, i'm pretty sure bullies will still exist when Flynn makes it to kindergarten ( 4 years from now ... ). So - just how do i raise my child to deal with childhood bullies?

Of course, i bring this up now because, like most people out there, i've seen the video posted on YouTube last week of a Sydney teenager fighting back against a bully. I only watched it the once and, yes - it made me wince. The young boy that got thrown to the ground did not look too well when he tried to get up. Did i sympathise with him though? Umm, no, not really. Its hard to sympathise with a kid you just watched taunting and punching another kid, even if he did get body-slammed in the end. In fact, i'd even go so far as to say he deserved it.

I dont want to offend anyone, or start some huge parenting argument but.... i think its ok to defend yourself when someone is hurting you. Even if that means you have to hurt them back. Shock horror! I'm not talking about little children - if Flynn ( now 15 months old ) hits another kid at mothers group or at the park, even if they pushed him first , then i tell him we dont hit, its not nice. I'm talking about children and especially teenagers, who are old enough to know better. I'm also not talking about a one-off school yard fight - you can be the bigger person and walk away from those.

I'm talking about long-term, systemic belittling and physical violence. I'm talking about having to go to school everyday knowing that some kid is going to walk up and punch you for no reason, or dak you in the playground just because he can, or who is going to yell things at you on your way to the canteen. You shouldnt have to put up with that. And its all well and good for some parents to say " just tell the teacher " but really, in todays society, what will ( can ) the teachers do? Give the bully a warning? A detention ? A suspension in the worst cases? All of which just results in the bully getting a holiday and the victim getting " Dobbers wear nappies! " from ever other kid in the school yard.

So Mick and I are going to teach our children that if someone is constantly harrassing them, teasing them everyday, kicking and punching and bashing them up.... then its ok for them to fight back. Its ok for them to be the better man and walk away time and time again but, if, eventually they implode and they've taken all they can take then yes.... its ok for them to get a punch or two in, just to give the bully some of their own medecine. To show that they have strength too, and that they arent afraid. Walking away is the nicer option, but some people just wont let up until theyve been stood up to. I know that if it came down to my child body-slamming their tormentor in a moment of rage, or bottling it all up until he killed himself, just to escape....well, a school yard punch up doesnt look so bad, does it?

Thank God For Sesame Street

Flynn isnt exactly up to the TV watching stage yet - at 5 months old he doesnt have the worlds longest attention span ( hello goldfish! ). However, i do put the kids channel ABC2 on for an hour or so everyday - he doesnt actually watch the programs but he enjoys the music and the colour, and that comes in handy if Mummy has to run outside and hang some washing or needs to go to the toilet. Dont get me wrong, i'm not going to be one of those mums who uses the TV as a makeshift babysitter, i just 5 or 10 minutes of distraction sometimes. So little Flynn doesnt actually watch the shows - I, on the other hand, being an adult, cannot help but pay attention ( even if sometimes i dont really want to ). And do want to know what i've noticed ? Some kids TV shows are just stupid. They dont even compare to the great shows I had to watch when i was growing up. You know, like " Sesame Street ".

" Sesame Street " is the bomb, baby. I should i say the baby bomb? Either way i loved it back then and i love it still. The characters are kid friendly, the puppets come from the fabulous Jim Henson Company, it gets the best celebrity  cameos ( Garth Brooks, Adam Sandler, Aretha Franklin, hell even Michelle Obama ) and they use music and colour and stories to help kids learn. " Sesame Street " is the kind of show i want Flynn to love. Suffice to say Mummy will put this one on when he's old enough to actually pay attention to TV. I've also discovered two other little shows that i dont mind, and would be happy to sit down and watch with him:

" The Hoobs " - this one is a British show about these aliens called Hoobs that travel around in the Hoob mobile, learning about things here on Earth. They call adults " peeps", children are " tiddly-peeps " and babys are " squiddly-tiddly-peeps". Cute! What i like about this one is that every episode is about something in particular and the Hoob go around and try to learn about that thing. So, for example, yesterday one of them had found a painted egg and they wanted to know what it was and it was for - queue learning that eggs come from chickens, humans eat them, and when theyre boiled and painted they are used for egg hunts. Also, this also a Jim Henson production so it gets extra points from me just for that. Hooba-licious!

" Chuggingtons" - this is pretty much the new, modernised " Thomas the Tank Engine ". Not thats there is anything wrong with old Thomas but this one is just a little more " hip". Its more colourful, there are human characters and the storylines teach a moral or lesson without being as clunky as Thomas tends to be. Mick and I bought Flynn a Chuggingtons showbag ( with a backpack and lunchbox, dinner plate and cute hat! ) at this years show so my fingers are crossed that he gets into this one!

I dont get the appeal of some of the other popular kids shows. " In the Night Garden " ? Its rubbish - i'm not too keen on kids shows that use baby sounds instead of actual language. I know babys might like being spoken to in goo-goo-ga-ga but i'd prefer Flynn to watch something where he is going to pick up actual words and language. " Yo Gabba Gabba " ? Those puppet character thingys are weird and freaky! The stripey green one doesnt even have elbows - whats up with that? And DJ Lance has one of those faces i just want to punch. So i'm thanking God for " Sesame Street " - as long as it remains on air i might have a little bit of sanity for the next 10 years of childrens tv watching!

Sweet dreams are made of this

Have you ever wondered if your slightly precognitive ? Not really seriously, but just " hey, i wonder if ? ". See, the only reason i ask is because i keep having the same two kinds of dreams over and over - not every night but every few, maybe once a weekish, and that has to mean something doesnt it ? The dreams arent always exactly the same, but the overall theme is, so am i maybe sort of seeing some kind of future happen, or is it all just metaphorical of something else.

Let me explain. The first dream involves me having children. Like i said, the exact scenario is never exactly the same however.... i always have twins, and always two boys. Boys with curly dark hair - unless its one the times i'm dreaming of actually being pregnant, which always involves me being at the doctors having an ultrasound and finding out i'm having twin boys. Oddly enough, these dreams never involve a husband of any sort, but i always get the impression i have one, i just never see him. Sometimes the dreams involve other people - various family and friends - but always me and twin, curly headed, dark haired boys.

The second dream has only just been occurring over the past few months and, to be honest, has on the odd occasion kind of freaked me out a little. In this one i have cancer - yep, cancer. Sucks doesnt it ? The scenarios in these dreams dont differ as much as with the twins - it always involves me either in the doctors office being told the news, or me tucked up in bed, not quite on the verge of death but pretty much accepting that my time is coming soon. I dont ever hear an official diagnoses, but i always get this odd feeling that its some kind of lymphoma and it sometimes spreads into my lungs .... this is the bit that has freaked me out a few times. The handful of occasions that the cancer is in my lungs i have woken up either completely breathless or feeling like my chest is full of concrete, totally weighed down. I have also woken up crying a few times from this dream and not because i have cancer and am dying, but rather because i dont appear to have anyone to love me during this time. By anyone i dont mean family and friends, i mean a man. Thats actually what sparked me to write this particular post - in last nights dream i knew i was dying, and all i wanted was for the man i loved to hold me, i had that distinct feeling .... but there was no-one. So i woke up crying, kind of oddly disturbed. And i'm not old in this dream either - its not like i'm an old woman who's come to the end of her road, who's husband may have already passed on - i'm young, maybe only a few years older than i am now.

So it goes back to am i slightly precognitive or not ? If i am, it means in the next few years i get married, fall pregnant, have twin boys and then die from cancer. What if only one of them is true ? Maybe i'm right about the twins thing, or maybe i'm right about the cancer thing. Or maybe i'm slightly nuts and they're both metaphors for something else thats plaguing my subconcious mind.

Either way, i guess time will tell....