Bottoms Up

So - i am lucky enough to be going in for a spot of day surgery today ( can you feel the sarcasm in that sentence? ) In the interests of being completely open on this blog, lets just say i'll be having an exploratory procedure - via the bottom. Or, to be proper, a colonscopy. Yep, thats right, thats where they take a tiny little camera on a tube and shove it up your you-know-where. Its usually the domain of persons over 60 years old but, as i said, i'm "lucky" enough to be one of the few young people who get to have it too. Like i said, its pretty much exploratory so the doctor is looking for the cause of some symptoms i've been having. Best case scenario? Its plain old haemorrhoids that, in all likely hood, were caused by pregnancy ( thanks Flynn! ). Worst case scenario? He could find that i have an auto immune disease, which would mean daily meds for the rest of my life and a strict diet ( thankfully, he seems to already ruled bowel cancer out ).

So - please excuse me if i dont post for the next day or two. I've already had a full day of no food at all, and am allowed precisely nothing ( no food, no drink ) today until i wake up after surgery. My point is that i'm near delirious with hunger and later this afternoon i'm expecting to be relatively drug-addled after anaesethetic. Probably not the best conditions for blog posting ( unless you like a good drunk post or two ).

And now that thats out there, let me finish up with a bit more TMI - i'm hitting the shower to shave my legs before i go to te hospital. I mean, what kind of lady wants to present herself ( bottom first mind you .... ) with hairy legs?

Because That's The Last Thing I Needed

Just wanted to let you all know that i havent died - although, if Mr Gil hadnt convinced me to go to the hospital, i might have.

Yea, yea, that sounds quite melodramatic, doesnt it ? Here's the story: Sunday morning i wake up with mild cramps on the lower right hand side of my abdomen which, by 12:30 lunchtime-ish, have become so excruciating that i'm in tears. Mr Gil keeps asking if want to go to the emergency room and i keep saying no - because i was convinced it was just bad " wind" pains that you get in pregnancy, and i would completely mortified if i presented to the ER and all i needed to do was fart. After another 20 minutes if finally decide i better get checked out. 8 and hlaf long hours of waiting later ( yes, 8 and half hours just sitting in a chair in the emergency room ), during which time i saw one doctor, one sonographer, two triage nurses and finally one surgical intern...... turns out i have appendicitis. Stupid appendix!

I had an appendectomy late Monday afternoon and was discharged from hospital yesterday ( Wednesday ) morning. I thought while i was having a brief respite from too much pain ( did i forget to mention that they sent me home without a prescription for painkillers? ) i'd blog a quick update. Let me tell you, this is not pleasant - pain at the wound site, killer back pain, and i've developed a cold, probably picked up off some ratty kid in the ER waiting room. I cant drive for a week which means i'm kind of under house arrest, and i've been given three weeks of work.

Now all i gotta do is make sure this wound heals properly in six months - before i'm due back t the same hospital and same ward to give birth!

Free at last, free at last...

No, this is not a post in relation to either Martin Luther King or his recent incarnation, Barack Obama ( my belated congratulations by the way ). No, this is about something far more serious...

It's on like Donkey Kong people! Tomorrow, at 1:30pm, I am finally getting the bastard wisdom teeth taken out. I'm booked in for day surgery to have the two bottom teeth removed and, although i'm a little apprehensive - lets face it I am, after all, having surgery - I'm looking forward to not having pain every three or four weeks. That being said, it has grown strangely comfortable having a constant, dull, ache in my jaw every few weeks or go. Even though its been extremely irritating, I've grown used to it.

But make no mistake - I will get unused to it! I'll endeavour to try and make an entry post-op while i'm still groggy from the anaesthetic, or while i'm high on painkillers. It could make for some interestin reading......

Aren't I Already Wise Enough ?

Seriously? I mean i’m no Socrates or anything, but i’d rather not be if it means i don’t have to suffer the growing in of wisdom teeth. Or rather, just the growing – they aren’t growing through my gums at all. This may be kind of an overshare but i finally dragged my arse to the dentist only to be told my wisdom teeth are impacted- that is, there isn’t enough room in along my jaw for them to break the gum and come through, so there are growing into other teeth. Pushing themselves against teeth in an effort to break free! Go little teeth, push, be free! You say? Hell freakin’ no! These stupid teeth are causing me immense pain. Every few weeks or so they throw a little tantrum, try and push their way up, and i walk around for a week feeling like someone has punched me in the jaw. Not an entirely pleasant experience really. So i’ve decided its time to get the damn things taken out. I have a referral to an oral surgeon so i rang today to make an appointment for an initial consultation. When am i going to see him ? 6pm, November 12th. Thats like a whole month away! Which all means i’ll probably have to put up with the whole dull, thudding, aching jaw thing at least twice more. You suck, health system!

In completely unrelated news, I’m having my measurements taken at the gym again tomorrow night. It will be the first time since the implementation of my new program that i’ve been measured up, and my fingers are crossed that i’ve made some progress. You know how i posted about my butt feeling like it had suddenly become a whole lot bigger ? I was right! I had my measurements done before i started on my new program and my bum had gotten a whole 3 centimetres bigger than it was the last time i was measured up. 3 whole centimetres – thats like an inch to you American type people! And i know i should be all out and proud about having a little junk in my trunk, but no woman that frequents the gym as much as i do wants to hear that her bum is getting bigger. Seriously, if thats going to happen, what the hell am i sweating it out five times a week for ? You know, besides the fact that i quiet enjoy it ? The only thing i can think of, and would be quite happy to accept, is that my butt is sitting higher – that is, the muscle is more toned and perkier. Okay, maybe thats an overshare too, you all don’t really want to be picturing my apparently big perky bum, but there you have it. I could accept that, that much would work for me. But if its just a case of the rest of me is shrinking and my butt is officially trying to take over the world, well, that would just suck.

So now that you know all about my health concerns and body issues, rest assured that i’ll keep you in the loop. Yes, i’m going to overshare everything from now on, just so that you don’t miss out. Because, you know, NOT knowing how my teeth are feeling or how big my butt is feeling on any given day would just be a tragedy now, wouldn’t it ?