A Quick One

Alright - so i'm a bit tired and i've decided to be a bit lazy, just for tonight. I'm going to make this a quick one. See i came across this picture a few days ago and i just wanted to ask you guys:

Is this where the Biebs is headed?
 Because before seeing this i thought he was fated to go down the road of " androgynous boy singer who ends up looking like a vaguely pretty woman "....

And Now For Something Different

After all the doom and gloom and woe is me that i've been posting about the last week or two, i thought i needed a change. What i needed was something funny. Hilarious even. And here it is! Please enjoy the following video of beloved " Playschool " presenter Noni Halezhurst reading " Go The Fuck To Sleep " By Adam Mansbach. Hil-hairy-arse!

*Disclaimer * - yes, for anyone too precious ... there is swearing in this video. No, its not actually a childrens story. And no, it was not shown on Playschool. Please do not bombard me with comments about how its not funny to swear at chidlren/around children/about children. Its a tongue-in-cheek story about how frustrating it is to put your kids to bed. 99% of us parents have been there. If you have, you'll understand. If you havent - well your f**king lucky so just stop your whinging, ok?

Adventures in Baby Babble

My boy might have been a bit slow in getting up and walking but he's no slouch when it comes to talking - its jibber-jabber all day long at our house. What is pleasing to me ( and an endless source of pride ) is that a lot of this jibber-jabber is actual words, not just baby blah-blah. He's got names of immediate family members down pat ( including two Poppies, a "Grandma ", a "Nanny " and an Aunty " Pippy " ) aswell as basic toddler requirements such as " toast ", " milk ", " apple " and " bed ".

I belive the words to accompany this picture should be " cok-o-lit " and " yummmm! "

Of course, not all of these words are recognisable to outsiders - some of them only myself and Mick can decipher. For example:

•  " Googles! " is Flynn-speak for " Wiggles! "
•  " Cuck " translates to " truck " ( and no chance of getting that confused with the F-word... he can say that one quite clearly )
•  " Farf " is, depending on the circumstance, either " bath " or " giraffe " and
•  " Ont " is very important in combination with a noun, such as " Ont milk " or " Mum, ont lunch ".... yes, " Ont " is Flynns version of the all important ( and seemingly never-ending ) " I WANT ".

So it seems like just lately Mick and I are playing a constant guessing game - Flynn is at the age where his speech is developing rapidly but sometimes what he says at what we hear are two very different things, so he gets mega-frusturated. He'll point his chubby finger, and stomp his little finger and instistenly repeat a word over and over, as if to say " Mum, you know exactly what i'm talking about! ".... meanwhile i'm left trying to figure out exactly what " Mem!Mem!Mem! " means ( for the record, that one worked out as " pen " ). Despite these somewhat trying interactions ( for all of us ) its also very exciting - the time when i can sit and have crazy toddler chats with my Flynny is almost here!

What about you? What words did your toddler use that only you and they could understand?

I Ain't Got No Beiber Fever!

Oh.My.God.... argh! Justin Beiber is in Sydney! I think i'm going to pass out i love him so much!!!!

Ok, no, not really. I know who is but i'm so NOT in love with him. That song " Baby " drives me absolutely mental and the heartfelt yet super-cheesy lyrics just make me want to gag. The dude is 16, looks 12, and if he grew his hair much longer i could mistake him for a girl.  ( As a side note, have you ever noticed how the most popular members of boy bands are always the girliest looking ? See Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys and Mark What-his-face of Take That as evidence ). So why am i even talking about the Bieb?

Well, he's doing a press tour through Australia and was due to appear on a morning tv show today. After much spruiking - like 2 weeks of it - that he would be performing live on the show, and after a petition to have him perform live out on the street instead of in the studio.... the gig was cancelled. By police. Because of safety concerns. Apparently thousands of teenage girls had camped overnight in the middle of Sydney so they would be front row for his performance and, even hours before he arrived, some of them had passed out or had been crushed into barricades, and had to be taken away in ambulances. Some of the others wouldnt do as police instructed in regards to moving back from the stage/spreading out a little/quitening down so.... bam! Concert cancelled! Unlucky hysterical teenage girls!

What amuses me - aside from the fact that they braved the cold overnight, camping on concrete, and STILL missed out - is that i totally dont see the appeal of Justin Bieber. He's illicited a reaction like the Beatles and Elvis Presley did, but he is nowhere near - NOT EVEN CLOSE - to being as talented as either of those artists. He doesnt write his own songs, he doesnt play his own instruments and knows only the most basic of dance moves. Sure, he has that whole " nice boy " thing going for him - he's the boy you could take home to meet your mum ( you know, as opposed to, like, Eminem ) - but aside from that, i cannot fathom what made all those girls so completely ga ga.

I guess they just got themselves a bad case of so-called Beiber Fever - and if its contagious as it appeared on tv and i'm unlucky enough to catch it, promise me, dear readers, that one of you will find a way to kill me before it infects everyone i love?

" How was it ? " Can i get a woo hoo!

So - do you guys remember my first date scale ?

It is a scale on which to rate how well this first date went. For those of you who dont remember or never even read that post ( shame on you! ), here's what i'm talking about:
1. " Argh! " = terrible; horrible; could not have been worse;
2. " meh " = yea, it was alright .... i suppose...
3. " Woo hoo! " = great; fantastic; mind blowingly ace;

Well, this past Saturday i had myself a " Woo hoo! ". Yay me! I went on a really great first date with a young guy we shall, from here on in, refer to as Mr Gil. This is not because its his name, but rather refers to the town he lives in ( anyone i date and blog about must retain some amount of mystery - at least for a while ). It wasnt like we did anything crazy/dangerous/fun - like all the first dates are trying to be on MTV's " Next! " - but it was great. We went for lunch at a pub bistro and stayed for almost five hours, having a few drinks and a talk. And it wasnt like some great soul connecting, in depth, meaningful conversation either - it was plain old, getting to know you type of stuff. But it was light and it was breezy and he made me laugh. A lot.

So yep, it was a great date and yes, I'd like to see him again. And, before anyone asks, we are right now, as i really slowly type this blog post, making plans to see each other this weekend. Possibly for a movie marathon, if we can get the timing right ( either way, i'm totally seeing " Watchmen " this weekend.... ).

I'll repeat - yay me! Stay tuned folks...

P.S My sister ate my Furry Friend. What a bitchface.

Quote of the Day

Me: You know who is a nice girl ?
3 yr old H : Who ?
Me: You!
3 yr old H : Yea..... but sometimes i punch people.
( Cue wicked cheeky grin ).

A Few Pieces of the Puzzle

So i stole this one from Miss Em over at Can You Point Me To The Bar ? Yes, technically its a meme that she didnt tag anyone for, but the idea was cute that i thought i'd " borrow " it.
Now the challenge was to peruse the funniness at http://www.someecards.com/ and find a few cards that depict a little bit of who you are and what you're about. Trust me, it may take you a while - you'll be checking out the pages for ages! But here's what i came up with:




Yes, i am kind of a movie snob. I watch all these fancy, foreign, arthouse films and i actually like them. I encourage my friends to watch them, raving about how good they are and you know what ? Most of my friends are so NOT critically acclaimed movie people - they're blockbuster people or, much to my chagrin, sometimes they're immature spoof movie people. Dont get me wrong, i love a bit of " Billy Madison " or action moves where a lot of stuff blows up, but i need a bit of intelliegence sometimes. Apologies about that.

Oh yea, i'm all about the naps. Cat naps, nanna naps, catch up naps, the litte naps you sneak in the back seat of the car on a long trip. Forget seeing Machu Pichu or eating lunch at a Buddhist monastery, i'm going to be in my last throwes and reminiscing about that lazy Sunday afternoon where i fell asleep on the lounge watching a re-run of M*A*S*H.

THis is for my friends. Pretty much, thats how i want to be thinking about you if i consider you as part of my inner circle. I'm super loyal, and you better be too. Like P, my best friend - she's totally invited to my funeral! I hope she makes cheesecake for everybody, in my memory of course....

Which is not to say i'm an unashamed horny biatch ( although we could be headed in that direction... ), just they i havent been getting out much. Its hard to meet people, to even have the opportunity for skanky one night shag, when you've been spending the majority of your weekend nights watching DVD's from the comfort of your loungeroom....


Aww, families, we all have one. I really like mine, as depicted above. Okay, maybe not all the wacky bastards - extended families can get seriously freaky! - but my immediate family ? I lubs them big lots. Thats us playing Trivial Pursuit by the way. My dad is cheating. Thats such a dad thing to do.

And thats it my lovelies. Go check out http://www.someecards.com/ if you need a Friday Feelgood and if you decide to follow in my footsteps and steal this blog idea, please let me know!

Uncle Steve the Big Red Alligator and introducing the Doormat Branch

So heres the thing - i dont sleep too well. Most nights, i wake up four or five times, i toss, i turn, and by the time the alarm goes off i am back to being tired again. Its that whole " I'm so tired of waking up tired " thing for me. The other thing is, the more tired i am and the more restless my sleep, the weirder my dreams. And i'm talking weird. Crazy. Like, wake up in the morning and go " What the forking beejesus was that supposed to mean ?!? " crazy. Let me elaborate:

For those of you who are either new here, didnt already know or who may have forgotten, i was once an au pair in the United States. Instead of having to explain what au pair actually means - i was a nanny ( to three very wonderful boys... but i digress ). Anyhoo, so last night i dreamt that i was a nanny again, but it wasnt for the same family. Some members of this family were white, but the parents and one child were dark skinned ( i'd be politically correct and say African-American or Aboriginal, but truth be told i dont know where this dream was taking place ). Weirder still was that the youngest child in said family was my neice, Hannah. And there i was, nanny to this family, brand new into the job and off we go to visit their Uncle Steve. But Uncle Steve was no ordinary man-uncle - no, Uncle Steve was a big, red, alligator. And by big, i mean HUGE. You remember Clifford the Big Red Dog ? Well Uncle Steve was the alligator equivalent of Clifford. He was a monstrous, red, reptile and he lived in a huge pond. With a lid. Like a coffin lid. On a pond. Uncle Steve could also speak - in English suprisingly ( in a dream like this you would have thought it would have been some obscure Russian dialect or something ) - and he was really sweet. The kids and the family got in the pond and swam with him. I sat on the edge and gave Hannah a marshmallow from my handbag. There were other kids playing nearby the pond and when one of them fell in and started crying, i pulled him out and gave him a marshmallow too. Just as Hannah starting yelling out " Amma! Amma ! " - the name of a Finnish exchange i knew in high school - i woke up.
Seriously - can anybody else say what the ?!? Perhaps the combination of bad sleep and brain altering medication is pysching me out....

But enough with dreams, and on to reality. Yes, we all have to wake up sometimes, and that kind of sort of, happened today. My colleagues and I all came to the conclusion that we are the Doormat Branch. That is, we are the branch of our company that everyone else takes advantage of and, frankly, we're sick of being walked all over. But what are we to do? Find new jobs? Conduct a walk off and picket outside the store? Fire off an aggressive email to management ? Or just take a cup of cement and harden the fuck up ? Our branch has been understaffed by at least two people for almost a month straight now. We have been coping the best we can, some of us even taking on roles and duties that do not come under our job description. One of my workmates came in to work sick as a dog, dying of the lurgy, ill to the point where she had lost her voice and couldnt talk, because she was the only person to fill that role that day. And we soldiered on. Sure, some of the paperwork got backed up, but when you're short staffed and ( some of you ) are on deaths door step, that cant exactly be helped. Management, however, thinks it can. No " Thanks guys, you're really doing well down there ", no " Job well done in a hard situation ", no " Can we send someone down to help you guys? ". No, only an email from our area supervisor querying why some paperwork had not been put on and questioning our priorities and understanding of our job. Even though she was aware of the no staff and the dying of the lurgy bit. Are you freaking kidding me ? We spent a good half hour following the arrival of managements email bitching about how unappreciated we are. Whenever someone else at another branch is sick or needs holiday coverage who do they get to go ? Someone from our branch. One of us goes away, say for a week long tutorial, and we dont ask for a ring-in, we just buck up and get on with it. Management even sent one us away to another branch for six months ( which is why WE are now short staffed ) to begin a job looking after some agencies and when a new agency opened, one that my workmate had been working on for months, did he get to go to the opening? Nope. Some other douche from some other branch who had little to nothing to do with it went. What a crock of crap.

Perhaps i should get my good buddy Uncle Steve the Big Red Alligator to rock up to management and tell them how we really feel.....

BIggest belly laugh of the day goes to.....