A Brief Photo Essay

And so, you loyal reader type people came through with some ideas. I've considered them all ( thanks for the whole Israel v Gaza thing Dash, i might have to jump on Wikipedia before i tackle that one.... ), but i thought this might be the easiest, and most fun, for a Sunday afternoon. A few of you said " hey, stories from your childhood " and of course you wanted accompanying pictures - plus, this is my official entry into Andy's photo challenge. And so, please enjoy a few photos of yours truely, accompanied by a short commentary on each shot:

Firstly, yes thats me as a cute, chubby little baby. And, yes, you're eyes are not deceiving you - i am wearing a baby bikini. ( Also, this is as close to naked as you will ever get to see me, so enjoy it while you can. Or, actually, dont enjoy it - enjoying it would be wrong... ). I believe i'm almost a year old in this photo, playing in a blow up pool in my Nan's backyard. Dont ask me what those green things floating around me are - i dont exactly remember - but i'm pretty sure they must have been fun to play with.

On to Picture #2 - thats me on my first day of school, 5 years old. All together now - awwwww. Its sometime in late January of 1989 ( yes, Northern hemisphereans, we start school at the start of the calendar year, not in the middle ). Please take note of my awesome, late 80's fashioned, school uniform - a sad green pinafore, white cotton blouse and little knee socks ( that dont quite come up to my knees ). Also, please notice that I am completely rocking a mullet. Yes, a MULLET. Business in the front, party at the back. To this day, i cannot believe that my mother willfully did that to my head. The missing teeth at the front though are all my fault - they came out while i was eating an apple.

Check me out - that is me, and my new bike, circa around 7 years of age. My dad and my pa made me that bike - yes, you read that right, they MADE it out of second hand bike parts, instead of buying me and my brother a new bike each (we werent dirt poor, but neither could we afford two brand new bikes ). My bike rocked - i chose what colour i wanted, i put cool stickers on it, and you better believed my brother and ruled the neighbourhood on them. We had a group of around 6 or 7 kids in our street and we'd ride around on weekends playing " bike-tag " or we'd ride down to the Death Track. Oooh - sounds dangerous, doesnt it ? Kind-of, sort-of, but not really. It was basically this huge hill of dirt ( maybe 2 storeys high ) on some land owned by the NSW Railway. Some older kids had made a walking track to the top and then a long, bumpy, dipping track to ride down. Woo hoo! I'm proud to say i never suffered a single injury there. My brother, however, did take one memorable spill which saw him fall into a patch of weeds and end up with a whole patch of thistles in his butt....

Picture #4 - this one is especially for you Andy. Anybody who reads Andy's page will recognise that he and I may have in fact owned the same pair of glasses as youngsters. Those things are freakin' huge! Again, I have my mother to blame for my complete lack of style ( an affliction I am to do this day trying to overcome ). In case you wondered what the hell is going on this picture let me explain - i am in my PJ's and I am apparently trying to kill my younger brother ( the little kid in the blue PJ's with the pained expression on his face ). And i'm smiling because jumping on your younger brother and trying to squash the guts out of him is fun. Right ? Right ?

And lasty but not leastly, Picture #5 - me before my Year 12 Formal ( read: Senior Prom ). This one isnt exactly in the humiliating category, but i thought i'd share it anyways. Please bear in mind when looking at this picture that i have lost aprroximately 17ish kgs between then and now ( i've changed from a size 16/ US size 12 down to a size 10/ US size 6 ). I think if i had my time again i wouldnt have picked that dress. It was a velvet dress with spaghetti cross over straps and, looking back, it didnt really fit all that well. I could have found something so much more flattering. As it stands though it wasnt all that bad - definately a more timelessly chic choice than some of my friends....

Yadda, Yadda, Yadda...

So.... ( and yes, for anyone who noticed, that is a reference to " Seinfeld " ). I find myself today lacking inspiration for a blog post. I feel like i want to make one, but I dont have anything particular weighing on my mind, nor any funny/scary/weirdo stories to tell. Lets call it " bloggers block " - i'm officially capable of writing, i just dont know what to write about.

And so i turn my blog over to you. Thats right - YOU - the handful of people who actually regularly read my garbage. I want you to tell me what i should write about. It could be something you want to know about me, a childhood story you'd like me to tell, or something you'd like to hear my opinion on ( if there is one thing i have, its opinions ). Or, if you so desire it, just tell me how happy you are that i've stumbled onto bloggers block, which means i'll stay quite for a while.

And so - hop to it people!! Get thinking and then get commenting. Or i'm afraid this blog may die a slow, horrible death ( okay, not really.... this will only last a few days... )

" I come from a land Down Under .... "

Happy Australia Day everybody! Today is a national holiday commemorating the day James Cook landed at Botany Bay, essentially " discovering " Australia. Basically, its a day where we get to take the day off, have a bbq with family and friends and watch the cricket ( or, in my case today, a marathon of Project Runway Australia ). How more Aussie could you get than that ? Its all about family, friends and food. And, speaking of food - I know you non-Australian type people think we Aussies eat some weird things. You've probably heard us use terms like " sausage roll " or " lamingtons " and wondered " What in the boojesus are they talking about ? What the hell is a lamington ? It sounds like some kind of uppity posh suburb of London .... " And so, in the Australia spirit of mateship and sharing, i've come up with my glossary of the Top 5 " weird " foods we Aussies indulge in :

*NOTE* ( They arent actually weird - theyre just different. Judge food by its packaging or its label ok ? )

VEGEMITE ( vej -e -myte ):

Come on now, you've all heard of it Vegemite, we're reknowned for it! I also know that you all probably think its downright disgusting - but, of course, i'm willing to bet 9 out of 10 of you havent ever tried it. To be truthful, all the foreigners i've ever seen taste Vegemite have almost choked on their own bile, so i guess its an acquired taste. Its pretty much a fermented yeast paste - its a little bitter, a little salty, a little something you cant describe. Its all also a little perfect on white toast!

PAVLOVA ( pav - low - vuh ):

Take a look at it - doesnt it look scrum-diddlie-umptious ? Yes, yes it does. It also tastes that way, which is probably why its one of Australia's favourite dessert recipes. Its a ( depending on your tastes, of course ) either a crisp and crunchy or crisp on the outside, chewy on the inside, meringue base. The meringue base is then covered in sweet whipped cream and your choice of toppings. The traditional pavlova, as seen above, is whipped cream and a variety of tropical fruits, although some fancy people have made pavlovas covered in chocolate, nuts and marshmallow; chewy candies; or white chocolate and berries. But just remember - when in doubt, always go traditional!

MEAT PIE ( mee -t pye ):

Meat pies are as Aussie as hotdogs are American. That is, to say, meat pies are the " everyman " food of Australia. Its pretty much as it sounds - a pastry shell, much like any dessert pie, but filled with a mix of minced meat ( usually beef ) and a gravy like sauce. Meat pies are the favourite snack/casual dinner for Australian men everywhere, but are particularly well loved at any type of sporting event ( meat pie at the football ? Doesnt get more Australian then that! ). Also, please note - you can eat as many meat pies as you like, but if you dont eat them with tomato sauce ( no, not ketchup - TOMATO SAUCE ) you will never pass as a real Aussie.

WEET BIX ( wee-t bi -cks ):

A quintessentially Australian breakfast cereal. If you read the fine print on the box, it reads " The Breakfast of Champions ". Damn right it is! This is the breakfast cereal that always has some kind of Australian athlete ( currently cricket players ) as its spokeperson. Weet Bix, just like the meat pie, are pretty much the way they sound - that is, they are are small, rectangular biscuits of shredded wheat. Nice and healthy, if not a little bland. They're best eaten warm, so you can " cook " them by pouring on some boiling water or milk ( or nuking them in the microwave, for the time poor people out there ), and if you add a litte sugar or a touch of honey and banana - you wont find an easier, yummier, healthier breakfast anywhere! ( except maybe an organic retreat.... )

LAMINGTONS ( lah - ming - ton-s ):

Ah, the forementioned lamington. I am telling you, my craving for one of these whilst i lived overseas was enough to rival a pregnant womans desire for pickles in chocolate icecream. However, lamingtons are about a million times more delicious than that heinous concoction. Lamingtons are, in a word, awesome - they're little squares of white sponge cake, covered in milk chocolate and then rolled in coconut. So simple, yet so, so sweet! They can also be made with some whipped cream in the middle, but being the purist I am ( oh, and i'm not so big on cream... ) i prefer the good old traditional version best. Mmm.... lamingtons.

And there you be ladies and gents. Should you have any lingering queries in regards to an Australian delicacy you may have heard of, feel free to leave a comment and i'll endevour to clear that one up for you too. Viva el Australia!

( oh, wait, my bad, thats Spanish.... )

An Anniversary

" Happy Birthday to me, I'm one hundred and three.... "

Well, no, not exactly. It IS my birthday, but didnt turn 103. I'm only one quarter of the way there - today is my 25th birthday. Yay for me! Its been a good day ( yes, despite the fact that i had to go to work ... ), although now that its winding down the weather has decided to turn all hot and sticky, which wont make for a good nights sleep.

But hey, I had a couple of belly laughs today ( at J's expense... ), two- count 'em, two! - birthday cakes ( one at work and one at home with my family ) and got approximately 5 birthday hugs ( the best one from my neice H, she's my favourite hugger ). I didnt get a whole swag of presents, but at 25 its not really the point - but what i did get was nice ( especially the " Happy " by Clinique that I had hinted about to my sister. Good listening sis! ).

And that is all. I didnt do anything spectacularly interesting so i'll make this a short post. Hope everyone else had a good day too!

Inauguration Day

Happy Obama Day everyone! It is around 8am in the morning here right now and I have been watching Inauguration coverage for the last hour. I just want to say:

I am so proud.

No, i'm not American. Barack Obama is not my new President. But i am proud that Americans have effected such a positive change during my generation. As much as some of us hate to admit it, the rest of the world looks to America as an example of guidance, an example of the way things should be done.

What a way to do it.

My congratulations go out to the new President and First Lady Obama, and my thanks to the American public for the courage and wisdom to put such a charismatic ( and surely to prove great ) man into Office. Here's hoping that he can lead your country to new glories, whilst at the same time providing positive change for the rest of the world.

Dis-Gust-Ing....

WARNING: Before you go any further, this is a rant. Please avoid the following paragraphs if you do not wish to read curse words, complaints or other peoples pet hates.

So - my desk in my office has a perfect view to the street outside. My office is situated on the main street of our town and my desk is, therefore, perfect for people watching. So i'm having a little stare out the window ( whilst i was working of course ) and i see a young girl walking along. She's petite, nice hair and she's dressed really nicely. In short, i was thinking how lovely she looked... and then she spat. On the ground. On a public street. A young girl spat saliva on a public street in front of my office.

I cannot STAND people who spit. Spitting in public is absolutely disgraceful. I mean, if you really must spit - say you havea huge loogy working up in the back of your throat, or a horridly sour taste in your mouth - than at least spit into a bin or into a hankerchief or something. Have the decency not to spread your bodily fluids all over a public walkway, where poor unfortunate people have to skirt around it. In short, spitting in public ( unles your on the sporting field ) is nothing short of disgusting.

My other pet peeve for today is domestic disputes in public. Sure, everyone enjoys being privy to a good pub fight ( you know, where people get into a huge argument whilst drunk, and are completely oblivious to the circle of peope listening in ). What I cant stand is people who think that the main street of town is the perfect place to air their dirty laundry. " Fuck you you motherfucking bitch- you can fucking walk home then! You're a dirty slut anyway! " is not exactly something i want to hear while i'm trying to work. I also do not want to see women flying at men and trying to hit them with shopping bags or sticks they have pulled out of the garden, nor do i want to see men deliberately intimidating women, grabbing them by the hair and threatening to kill them when they get home. Seriously. Those might be extreme cases ( extreme but certainly by no means exaggerated.... its all part of a show i get treated to on a semi-regular basis ) but i dont think anybody needs to be hurling abuse at each other in the public domain.

And there you have it - rant over. I am sitting in my hotel room as i have been sent off for a few days training. I've watched " How I Met Your Mother ", " Two and a Half Men " and " South Park " and i have gotten my pet peeves of my chest, so i think its time to settle in with a book.
Good nigtht everyone!

The Great Escape

Today my boobies made a run for it. Can you believe that ? No, they didnt up and leave my chest area, and no i dont have prematurely aging saggy boobs. No, i was at work and my bra broke.... can you believe that? I'm just standing at my desk talking to J and all of a sudden - the elasticity is gone. Every woman out there must know what i'm talking about : when the girls are strapped in there is a firmness, a secure feeling. When that hook lets go, all that security is gone. And so it was today - and chesticles tried to make a break for it. Thank God that a) it was so freaking hot today that my bra was glued to my skin by sweat ( i know, gross, buts thats an Australian summer for you ) and b) that i work in the central shopping area of my town ( i was close enough to duck out for a minute and go and buy myself some new undergarments ).

Thank God, this wasnt exactly a Girls Gone Wild moment. I mean, i did have a shirt on after all, so it wasnt like i was falling out of anything, but there is a brief moment of mortification where you hope nobody has noticed ( even if there isnt all that much to see ). Its kind of like a guy being almost pantsed ( or dacked, as we call it here in Australia ). Sure, there isnt exactly anything on show - except maybe your boxers or your favourite tighty whities - but for a minute there you wonder if anyone has noticed anything else. (As an aside, dacking people is funny, unless your the one being dacked ).

You know how it is right ? Any intentional exposure of other peoples bodies, in the aim of embarrassing them, is funny, unless your the target. I cant remember how many times the boys in my grade during high school would run up behind someone and yank their pants down. Boy-on-boy, after a while, seemed a little homoerotic - so of course it progressed to either trying to do the same to us girls ( unless we were wearing a skirt, in which case they were just trying to get a glimpse underneath, anyway they could ). And what other form of torture did they devise for us ladies ? Bra strap flicking and, occasionally, intentional unhooking of the bra. During science class. Luckily whilst seated in the back row.

Oh, wait.... yea, thats where they got me. Science was not exactly my favourite subject, so my friends and I in the back row spent a lot of time fooling around back there. Usually we threw pieces of eraser at people, or passed notes, or talked in low tones so the teacher wouldnt hear, but one day my friends L and Jay decided it was Pick On Amy Day. This newly celebrated holiday involved L reaching behind me andi n one foul swoop, pulling at the back of my bra and miraculously unhooking it with one hand. O.M.G! How, like, totally embarassing! I had to slide underneath the desk and try and fiddle underneath my shirt and hook it back up without the teacher noticing i was gone. No mean feat let me tell you.

And so, we have learned two things: pantsing people is funny. Unhooking girls bras in science class is not.

Also: either my breasts have magically grown a cup size overnight ( please God, say its true! ) or they just dont make bras like they used to....