Thursday, April 16, 2009

Out of the Loop

So - you know how when your in high school you think you're going to be friends with these people forever ? Like, totally forever? You couldnt possibly imagine ever growing apart from the people populating your English and Math classes? Yea, well.... it happens. And i'm not talking about the majority of your high school class ( who you do the awkward " hey, how are you ? " conversation with if you see them out and about ) - i'm talking about the select handful that you call your "best" friends. How did i manage to grow apart from them ?

Not P.... P and i are still as thick as thieves ( although to be fair, i was pretty upset when she cancelled lucnh on me this past Saturday. I kind of get the feeling she doesnt really want to meet Mr Gil, and i dont really know why.... ). No, i'm talking about A and Em. The four of us were bestest of buddies during our final year of school and have been ever since, but just in the last year ( since the whole Mary Incident ) i've noticed a chasm opening up: A and Em on one side, myself on the other. I expected it after the whole Mary thing, especially with A ( she is Mary's sister after all ) but it still feels strange.

Dinner with the girls, as mentioned in my last post, just wasnt the same. I felt competely on the outer. My relationship with A hasnt exactly collapsed, but i'm not close to her anymore. We dont call or text each other, and the only emails we exchange are of the chain letter/lame joke variety. I havent been to visit her in her new town where she got a new job - but the other two have. The majority of Friday nights dinner conversation revolved around A's new flat, her work colleagues, the little adventures they'd had together since she'd moved. I dont know the people they were talking about, and wasnt " in " on any of the "in" jokes. Even when i brought up other topics of conversation - movies, music, my fledgling relationship, Easter activities, family and other friends - things kept circling back to A and her brand new life. My thoughts kept alternating between how left out i felt, and how much i'd rather be anywhere else than alone at a table with three other women i used to think were my platonic soulmates.

I know when this happened, and i pretty much know whow .... but why ? How did i end up being the one pushed out ? And why didnt anyone tell me ahead of time ?


  1. Oh yay! You get to take on a role I got to play! The exile. Its really not that bad though. You will keep the one, and will move on from the others. Its actually a good thing, it leaves you less things to be concerned over. And I am sorry for the slow posting, and rude lack of responce. Life is kinda going crazy(in a good way) and I am truely sincere with my appology. P.S. mega congrats on code name GIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. I agree with Snuffy. Look at the opportunities it presents...not at the cold lonely emotions it is causing.

    Cold lonely emotions are pooey.

  3. My best high school friend and I still hang out from time to time when I'm in town, but it's decidedly different. It's like we've become two different people, but still feel a sense of obligation to talk to each other out of familiarity.

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