Wednesday, February 2, 2011


I feel like i'm being my own worst enemy lately. Sabotaging myself. Let me give you an example:
I was invited to a 30th birthday party for one of the mums from my mothers group, this past Saturday night. I decided not to go. Why? Because they had forgotten to tell me and one other mum the plans for the weeks meet up until 2 hrs before the actual get-together and i felt like an outsider; and because if i went alone ( Mick wasnt feeling well ) and i was excluded how hurt would i be? I just wasnt willing to put myself out there, and on Saturday night, i thought that was the best decision. Now? I'm not so sure.

" Sabotage " by the Beasty Boys - now thats funky...

I dont think its any secret that i have trust issues, and after the whole being "defriended " affair of late last year, i dont see these issues dissipating anytime soon. In fact, they've only gotten worse. I was thinking about it the other morning ( in the shower mind you, because its about the only alone time i get... ) and i think i definately sabotaged myself Saturday night. I talked myself out of going because of what i imagined would happen. Truth be told, i would probably have known at least half a dozen women there, and i would have had a really great time. But in my head, i couldnt put myself out there and trust that it would all work out. I.Just.Couldn't.Do.IT.

If i put myself out there again, and try and trust someone, to know the real me, to become a proper friend.... i run the risk of being dumped. Again. I dont know, right now, whether i'm willing to put myself through this again....


  1. I can understand why you feel the way you do, but I hope you can find it in yourself to trust again. Everyone needs friends, and not everyone will treat you so badly.

  2. It will take a while but you'll get there. It can be terrifying getting back out there to find new friends but it is worth it. That first step though? Very hard. I have a tendency to sabotage myself a lot and then I get really cross with myself. You can do it, just take a deep breath and jump.

  3. I don't know what happened before, but I hope you can find some peace and learn to trust again.....xox

    Oh and thank you for featuring my blog too xxoo

  4. :( When I read these posts I can totally relate..I am always sabotaging myself. I am going to take over your comments, sorry!
    After being totally heartbroken and betrayed by someone I considered my best friend 5 years ago. I finally felt confident to put myself out there in the middle of last year only for that person to let me down and not be who I thought she was. Anyways I finally realized I needed to put that behind me and try agiain. It's so freaking hard but I think my efforts may of paid off.. I truly hope the same for you (though don't take as long as me, it's not worth it) and try to remember you are a wonderful person and I feel very lucky to of connected with you xx
    You Rock!