Have you ever noticed that when you have important-future-type stuff on your mind, its impossible to think of anything else? Or maybe thats just me... all i know is i seem to have a very narrow focus when it comes to important stuff. Its pretty much impossible for me to think on the important stuff for a minute, and then just let it go and move on. No no, that would be too easy... no, i have to let it consume my every waking minute. ( Sometimes, when i'm really lucky, i let it filter into my dreams. Have you ever dreamt about wedding flowers? Important.Stuff. )
See its a little under 6 weeks til i get married but its not the actual wedding thats invading my thoughts - its the "what comes after? ". Mick and I have a little ( and secret, for now ) plan going but we still have to see if its possible. Its one of those things where i could daydream hours away about potential outcomes, about all the great things that will happen for us... if it all works out. And that " IF " is the bit that does your head in, isnt it?
Its the not-knowings that really get me. Sure, i'll be nervous on my wedding day but at least i have a pretty good idea of how it will all pan out. Hair, makeup, get dressed, ceremony, photos and reception - sure there is a few spanners that could be thrown in the works, but for the most part i know whats going on. Its the really big things with all the variables, the not having the answers to all the " what if? "s that make me nervous. And nervous i'll have to stay, at least until tomorrow night, when we have a meeting with some people who can give us a straight "yes " or a " no".
Lets cross fingers then and hope for the right answer! ( Which is "yes", in case you were wondering. A big, fat " yes " )
How did I disappear from my life?
1 month ago