So according to the comments on my post regarding my dream the other night, i am apparently the only one who understand what it means. Which, i suppose, is a good thing otherwise it would be like the rest of you knew too much about me, being able to interpret my dreams and all.
So, for the benefit of those who queried me in those comments, here is what i believe that dream is telling me:
" Black dog " is a colloquial term for depression, coined by Winston Churchill i believe. It's used in a lot of texts and when i first undertook counselling i was given a video to watch called " Taming the Black Dog " ( or something close to that ... ). Now, from what i can remember of the dream i am watching this huge, furry, black dog through my window - i know its there, i know it probably wants to come in but i dont open the window or the door, i just sit, and watch, and wait. Somehow - and i dont remember how, maybe i eventually DID let it in, i dont remember, thats just the way dreams work i suppose - this cuddly looking black dog gets into my house and bites me, on the ribs of all places, high up ( kind of near my armpit actually ...weird. ). And then - i dont know, because thats when i woke up.
So, having thought about it over the course of the morning and, since my post, the last few days, i think this black dog is representative of depression, of the depressing, ambivalent, non-motativational " mood " i have slowly been sinking into for the last couple of months. Just like in the dream, i could see it coming - i knew i was getting progressively lonelier, sadder, less motivated to do things - but i didnt really do anything other than sit and wait for the inevitable meltdown to come. Or for the black dog to break in and bite me, if you will. Secondly, the fact that this dog bites me around the ribs is telling aswell. Physically, my ribs are the most sensitive area of my body - it is, depending on the mood, either an intense pleasure or an intense pain to be touched there - so the fact that this is where the dog has chosen to attack tells me the depression is hitting me, attacking, preying on my weaknesses.
Lastly, and perhaps most alarmingly, its the appearance of the dog that disturbs me. This dog, in the dream, was not scary looking. It wasnt aggressive like, for example, a Doberman or a Rottweiler, big black dogs that most of us assume could do us some damage. No, the dog in the dream was big, furry, cuddly looking - more like a black Labrador. A dog that you would like to own, to shower affection on, to have as a company. The fact that i wasnt afraid of this dog, that despite the fact that i didnt welcome it into my house, i made no huge attempt to stop it and, other than the fact that it bit me, i actually didnt mind so much having a dog in the house, makes me think maybe i like being depressed ? Maybe i actively court these feelings because they make me feel different and or special ?
Or maybe, in that third instance anyway, i'm just over-analysing....
How did I disappear from my life?
1 month ago