Saturday, April 10, 2010

I'm No Mummy-Hater......

Ok - so i know we're supposed to have a mummy-sisterhood, and we shouldnt pass judgement on other mummies for what they do or dont do. But i'm gonna, right here, right now, because its been bugging me all week.

I know two lovely women who were both blessed with brand new bubbas this week just gone - one on April 1st and one on April 2nd. Their precious little bundles couldnt be more different - one a boy, almost 9lb, the other a girl, only 3 ounces over 5lb - and neither could the mummas, but they've both done something in the first few days of their babies lives that has had me shaking my head and mumbling " Wha? ". Annoyance #1: the first woman had a baby that took straight to the boob. Her breastfeeding chart in hospital was full of rankings of 4 and 5's ( attached and feeding really well ). Within two days of going home however she had taken him off the breast and put him on to formula, saying that her breasts were too small for him to get milk out off. Which could be true, except the hospital chart would say otherwise, and those who know her best think she's decided to go onto formula because she's too lazy to get up in the night and breastfeed. What?!? That may or not be true, but it if it is i find it greatly annoying ( and i'd be a trifle disgusted in it ). My Flynn found it difficult to attach in the first week or so - in fact we stayed in hospital an extra day and a half just so i was confident that i'd be able to feed him something - and we still feed with the aid of a nipple shield. It hasnt been a nightmare, but nor has been an easy ride ( or entirely convenient ). But i do it because its the best thing for him, and i love him enough to be slightly inconvenienced and tired. And Lady#1 gives up within two days, on a bubba who was a natural to the boob, because she's too lazy? And not only that but straight onto the formula and feeding a 3 day old 60ml at each feed - without consulting a doctor, a midwife, and LAC, not even a chemist. I'm no expert, but that just doesnt seem right. And that lack of loving attention and wanting to do whats best just got up my nose.

Annoyance #2: i know there is HUUUUUUGE debate about SAHM vs working mums. Frankly i would love to not have to go back to work in October but i dont think our finances will allow for it. Working mums are awesome and i have no beef with them. However, i draw the line at returning to work before your baby is a week old. Especially when she is so tiny ( smaller than a Cabbage Patch doll, wearing 000 000 sized clothes ). And especially when you own the business so there is no narky old boss pressuring you to return. Surely someone els can do the spreadsheet for the wages, answer the phone and help a handful of clients for a week or two? She is taking the bubba to work with her ( and her 2 year old son ) but how she expects to get work done and be able to give appropriate attention to the kids is beyond me.

And so - rant over. I know i'm a first time mum and my son is only 3 and half months old so i'm by no means an expert .... but thats just how i feel. You can call me out for ignoring the sacred bonds of motherhood if you want, but we all have our opinions. Of course, its not my place to share these opinons with either of these ladies so i had to get it off my chest somewhere.....


  1. I'll say Amen to all that Amy. Especially the bf'ing bit. That would make me exceedingly cranky. I struggled to bf Chop but we stuck with it, and I am endlessly jealous of women who seem to do it easily then give up for no good reason. (that i can see, of course- their reality might be different, but that is how I see it from mine).

  2. I'll say Amen to all that Amy. Especially the bf'ing bit. That would make me exceedingly cranky. I struggled to bf Chop but we stuck with it, and I am endlessly jealous of women who seem to do it easily then give up for no good reason. (that i can see, of course- their reality might be different, but that is how I see it from mine).

  3. OMG!! What the?
    I'm gobsmacked everytime this sirta bf'ding scenario is told.
    My son has been at the boob for almost 22mths now, and I could honestly slug a person when they think we've had an easy time of it. We've had numerous problems, but putting him onto fake milk has never crossed my mind.
    As for your reference to people suggesting she may be lazy...that's ironic considering she'd be adding housework of bottle care to her day!
    The work side of things....I guess atleasy she's taking the children with her and not palming them off to childcare so little

  4. I didn't have a very easy time breastfeeding either of my kids. I had no support from my hubs (he didn't want me to bf) I had no support from my in laws (they lived 5 min away and were at the house all the time and always annoyed if I was trying to bf). I had to use nipple shields, my oldest would not latch and I didn't hardly produce any milk... both my kids lost weight the first few days of life (dropping below 4 lbs!) and I had to formula feed just so they would eat. I tried and tried for the their first six weeks of life and it just didn't work out. There were so many sleepless nights and tears and fights w/ the hubs over my insistence to keep trying and his for me to just give up. And every time I was around a friend who was bf successfully, I felt like a miserable failure as a mommy for not being able to bf. I have no idea what the first mommy is going through behind closed doors. If it is laziness, then, that is pretty lame. I once knew a woman who refused to bf b/c her "boobs were sex objects and not for feeding her kids." That is just wrong. But if the mom you know, legitimately tried and failed, then she needs support. Kudos to you and to everyone who did try, struggled and later succeeded. I will be forever jealous of those bonding moments you had with your child at the breast that I missed out on. I can assure you my lack of breastfeeding had nothing to do w/ laziness and I highly doubt that is the case for many moms. Sorry for the long rant.

  5. Hmmm... just re-read that. And I hope I don't come across as accusatory or rude or offensive or anything negative. It was just my experience and I guess I really felt like I needed to share it. I'm sorry if I overstepped.

  6. Not trying to be harsh.....but I gave up bf both my kids 1st hated it and even the midwife who was a bf advocate even told me to put him onto formula....and for my 2nd although she took to breastfeeding quite well, I had to put her onto formula as my milk was not fulfilling. In both stances I had a lot of negative people who attacked me....maybe there are reason these mums aren't saying for the fear of people giving them negative feedback?? I don't know these girls but maybe laziness could be it...or plenty of other reasons.

  7. Anon, I'd be curious to know what you mean by 'your milk was not fulfilling'.

  8. I really understand where you're coming from with this post. Welcome to the world of parenting - where often you see parental behaviour and you truly wonder, WTF?!?

    The breastfeeding thing is really interesting and fraught with sensitivities! I breastfed my daughter for a year and loved it. And am hoping the same for number 2, due in a matter of weeks. I think a lot of my success with my daughter lay in the fact that I was SO bloody determined and it was HARD .... just so HARD to keep going. But I think I would have tried anything to make it work and get over that initial 6 week BFing 'hump' - because it's a piece of cake after that.

    I've done some research in this area for work too, about attitudes and experiences towards breastfeeding and there are so many misconceptions out there about when BFing is 'working' and when it isn't. It's why the ABA and continuous education in this area is so important.

    Congrats on getting this far with breastfeeding Flynn - it's not easy at all!

  9. Saying my milk wasn't girl was feeding for nearly an hour every 2 hours and I bought these little sachets of formula just in case I needed them...I gave one and she drunk 60ml and slept for the first time for a few hours, I spoke to the midwife about it and thats what she said, my milk wasn't fulfilling enough....another disappointment for me as I loved breastfeeding and then again had to put up with negative comments as I had other Mums disapproving as I apparently gave up so one understood as being a single mum with another child who was 3 who also needed my time I could not breastfeed that long.

    But kudos to you for breastfeeding so long. I am so jealous as it is the most beautiful thing in the world and the best bonding tool :)

  10. That's a fair call Anon. Had I been in your position I would have probably made the same decision.

  11. I don't mean to sound condescending or narky Anonymous but I'm abit surprised your MW didn't tell you that it is quite normal for breastfed baby to feed frequently, for extended periods of time? This is how they work at establishing an ample milk supply.

    This is a great post Amy, I agree with everything you said ;) And as you say, your blog so your opinion. Keep it up girl!