Thursday, June 9, 2011

Trust Yourself - Scared To Do

( By Mary Jaksch )Emerson says: “Always do what you are afraid to do.” What is ‘too scary’ to write about? Try doing it now.

You know what - i think i've written about quite a bit of " scary " stuff on here. Depression, suicide, loneliness, heartbreak, lying, manipulation and selfishness. Thats some pretty scary shit right there, some stuff that i know other bloggers wouldnt even contemplate writing about. But back when i started this blog, thats primarily what it was for - it was a way of externalising all those things that were weighing me down. It really didnt matter to me whether anyone else read it or not ( although helpful comments were always appreciated ). So when i first saw the question posed in this prompt, i really didnt know what i could answer with. " I've done all the scary stuff - end question " ? And then it hit me...
Image from here
Revenge. Cold, hard, bitchin' revenge. I dont want to admit the feelings i'm having because to even think them makes me sick - what kind of person must i bet to feel this way? Doesn't even having these thoughts make me just as bad as she was? Or does it make me as bad as she said i am? But now here i am, going to admit them, in writing, for all of you to judge .... and thats scary. But you know what would be so satisfying to me? The " revenge " that would make me feel so much better about the way she treated me? What would make me feel like the "winner" ?

Falling pregnant and having another beautiful baby before she does....


  1. It must be really hard to confront yourself with having these feelings. And even harder to share them with the world. I really appreciate your courage to share them anyway. I guess it just shows that you're a 'normal' human being, like the rest of us.

    I think you're 'revenge' is going to be sweet :)

  2. Hi- I came via FYBF at "Where`s my Glow" so this is my first time here- hi!

    I am following a couple of blogs doing this trust30 challenge and enjoy reading others responses- wish I had known about it before it started so I could of joined in to, tbh.

    I think it is normal to want revenge or to be jealous of others. I get jealous all the time. I think most people would have to say they have imagined getting revenge on someone in their lives at some point or another.

    I do hope you get pregnant before her though- just because it sounds like you deserve it!

  3. I know what you mean about doesn't thinking them make us bad... and I don't think that it does. Fleeting thoughts, and sometimes not so fleeting thoughts, are just how we process stuff. Acting on them though, well that's entirely different.